26.2 Thoughts You Have While Running A Marathon

Running a mar athon is a strange experience. I feel like no matter how hard you've trained, no matter how many miles you've run before, there's nothing that can prepare you for the morning of the marathon. You wake up a little excited and a lot terrified. 26.2 miles is a long way and your brain has a long time to think about a lot of things. Here are just a few of the thoughts that ran through my head when I ran mine:

1.) I got this. Im a champion, they know it, i know. Lets do this.

2.)"Oh shit there's the gun.... I actually have to run now."

3.) "If these people don't get out of my way I'm gonna run them over. How dare they be slow in a crowd of ten thousand."

4.) "Already at Mile 3. I got this. I could totally win this. Marathon? What, like it's hard? I could go forever. I'm a health god."

5.) "Oh look there's the Mile 5 marker. Wait, I'm only at Mile 5. That's alright I'm still feeling good and there's only, like, 21 more miles to go."

6.) "I wonder what my pace is? I've got plenty of time to figure this out."

*spends next 2 miles trying to figure out how much time is left*

7.) "Math and running are not a thing. I have to stop thinking to conserve energy"

8.) "Oh thank God! A water stop! How didn't they have one of these before Mile 9? Have you ever seen something so glorious?"

9.) "Now that I'm finally rehydrated I've got at least 20 more miles in me."

10.) "Wtf is that guy smiling? Dude, we're only on mile 11 how are you smiling? We've been running for over and hour and we're not even halfway done. Stop that."

11.) "Finally at the halfway point. Wait. Is that the finish line? why do they make you run past it when you're only halfway there? What kind of sick game is this?"

12.) " Okay, well there goes all the half marathoners to the finish line. They look so happy. I wanna go with them. Can't I just call it now? No one would notice right?"

13.) "Mile 15. Less than half to go. Easy. I've still got this. Well damn, that's a hill isn't it?"

14.) *Mile 15.1* "OMG WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF? I'M GOING TO DIE RIGHT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. I'LL JUST LET MY BODY ROLL TO THE FINISH. IT'LL BE SO MUCH BETTER"

15.) "Woah. I'm at mile 17. When did that happen? I'm pretty sure I just blacked out for 2 miles. Is that my bodies way of telling me to stop? I literally have no recollection of the past 20 minutes. Probably normal"

16.) "Alright who decided this was a good idea? This is awful. I can't feel my appendages. I'm pretty sure at least 3 of my major organs have shut down. 9 more miles. Why."

17.) "What happened to all the shade? Who turned up the sun? Im pretty sure it wasn't 400 Degrees Celsius when i left the house this morning."

18.) "Oh no. A cramp. I can feel it coming. OMG is there something trying to escape my body. WHAT COULD BE CAUSING THIS TYPE OF PAIN? MAKE IT STOP!"

19.) " I should walk a little. I've earned it. ....wait who are all these people watching? I CAN WALK IF I WANT TO. DON'T JUDGE ME PEASANTS."

20.) "I still have 4 miles. I'm done. I'm out. There was nothing about death at Mile 22 in the sign ups."

21.) "I think I'm gonna throw up."

22.) "False alarm. My body doesn't have the energy."

23.) *Mile 23* Naive Spectator: "Only 3.2 more miles!" Me:"...no."

24.) "I don't think I care anymore, running is for chumps, I want out."

25.) "Okay last mile-- just run it out. I've got this. I can pass all these people in front of me. They've got nothing on me. I'll just make them look bad in the last mile when everyone's watching."

26.) "HOLY CRAP! I FINISHED! I'M A RUNNING GOD! NOTHING CAN STOP ME! Oh god. The pain is setting in. I can't stand anymore. I'm just gonna sit here and try no to die. Hopefully my family can find me before the vultures do."

26.2.) *Sipping on free beer* "That was fun. I could totally do that again next year."