Living about 90 minutes upstate of the city, I find myself on the Metro North Railroad (MNR) a lot more frequently than I care for. My line in specific, the Hudson Line, is crowded, with outdated cars, and too many technical difficulties to count. I am continually blown away by the nonsense I encounter during those seemingly-endless trips. The MNR never fails to surprise, and if I'm lucky I'll get a good laugh out of it. Here are things that hold true, without fail, about an MNR commute.
1. If you show up less than ten minutes before the train departs Grand Central, congrats, you get to fight for a seat
2. When you have to arrive somewhere at a specific time, the train will be late. It just will. It always knows.
3. The creepy old man will always choose to sit practically on top of you in your tiny two-seater
Despite an abundance of roomy three-seaters that only have one current occupant
4. Taking a late-night train into the city = trying to not laugh at the drunk high-schoolers.
They think they're sly because "OH MY GOD GUYS, NOOOO ONE CAN EVEN TELL WE'RE DRUNK"
5.When you need to get schoolwork/reading/business done, there will be a lady having a loud phone argument.
...for 75 minutes of your 90 minute trip
6. Phones die faster when you're on the train.
That's just science, folks.
7. Not a single, attractive young guy rides the MNR Hudson Line
Except to 153rd-Yankee Stadium
8. On a peak train, despite your best efforts, you will end up sharing a seat.
Sit in a three seat row. Now you have a space between you and a stranger. You're welcome
9. Don't bring a beverage. Don't do it.
It will end up on your lap/in your bag/ on your commute neighbor. And if you manage to avoid all that, you will probably have to pee in the weird little train bathrooms.
10. Pee before the train.
Because their bathrooms are dirty, always out of toilet paper, usually clogged, and potentially a crime scene.
11. When you buy a peak ticket before you actually arrive at the station, 50% chances are you'll end up on an off-peak train.
There goes $7 of your hard-earned money, because you were five minutes late and missed the last peak train departure.
12. Whenever you are in Grand Central, you will without a doubt get trapped behind a mob of overeager tourists.
Because they don't understand how to move, and they seem to have a fondness for standing in the middle of a clear pathway to have a conversation about how lost they are.
13. If you're going to walk slowly when leaving the platform, stay to the right.
The rules of the road apply.
14. However well your trip seems to be going, the MNR will always, ALWAYS, fail you.
Even though the MNR can be a crazy, wild, and sometimes disheartening ride, thanks to all the employees who have to put up with this kind of ridiculousness every day, and continue to do it with a smile. You guys are my heroes.
