On my first day back for Christmas, I discovered how to ruin Christmas. It’s actually quite simple: create a system in which the very spirit of Christmas is tied to competition, and watch as an entire extended family tears each other to pieces.
To save money, my extended family decided that we would each buy one gift, valued from $25-$30, and then host a white elephant gift exchange. There’s nothing inherently evil about white elephant exchanges; however, typically white elephant gifts are intentionally trash. In fact, it's somewhat of a requirement for the gifts themselves to be humorously worthless. The worthless nature of the gifts makes the competitive exchange and thievery fun and harmless. So, what happens when these gifts are actually meant to be good and worth something? My guess, all hell breaks loose. In order to better understand my reservations, I humbly suggest the reader watch "The Office" episode where a Secret Santa gift exchange is suddenly converted into white elephant, and, you guessed it, all hell breaks loose.
I officially have a $10 bet with my mother that indeed this format of gift giving will cause issues come Christmas morning. Now that the bet has been solidified, I’m ecstatic as I await Christmas, only for more contrived purposes than my previous childlike inspirations. This Christmas I have every intention of making off with great gifts, $10 and the sweet taste of victory. Indeed, my fingers are crossed that Christmas morning at my house will end in blood, sweat and tears, and I shall relish in my family’s horror. The only stipulation of the bet is that I cannot directly cause the problem, but, I’m confident that I can indirectly cause an issue within the context of the exchange. In doing so, I will directly ruin Christmas and win $10 as a Christmas bonus. Wish me luck.
