I am a man.

I am a gay man who, up until now, has chosen to live a life in hiding.

My romantic interests directly contradict the political and religious beliefs of some of my friends and almost all of my family. With a family that is oppressively right-leaning in their views, I will immediately be kept at arm's length the moment my sexuality is revealed, the moment I reveal that I love other men.

What is truly sad is that I am not alone in this struggle. All around the states, around the world, there are men and women like me who are forced to keep this integral part of themselves from everyone they love. Some people attempt to suppress who they are for years, convincing themselves to hate what makes them different, what makes them unique, what makes them strong.

I, too, am guilty of this.

For years I have hated myself. I have wanted so desperately to be the perfect, straight man for my family and friends that I lost touch with myself along the way. I watched as my siblings married and created their own happiness, afraid that I would never be able to do the same.

I've never shared my sexuality with anyone.

My hands are shaking just writing this.

I've done and gone through everything possible to take my mind off of the reality that is right in front of me, from binge eating to crippling depression to calling 24/7 helplines to ask why I deserve to move forward and be happy when God himself apparently doesn't condone this part of me that I cannot fight.

In addition to all of this, I've lived with a man whose made it a habit of calling me things like "faggot" and "wasted space," a man who has looked me in the eyes and said, "I hate you" without a lick of hesitation.

For years, I've listened to the words he has said, the words which my family tells me to take with a grain of salt, and those words have torn me down. I feel like I have lost all control over my life and situation, until now.

Amidst all of this chaos and despair, an opportunity has risen from the ashes: a chance to get out and finally be independent, to finally be happy. I know that fate has given me a chance to come out ahead, to take control of my happiness, but...

I am scared.

The very thought of finding happiness is plagued with the voices of those who have worked so hard to doubt me and bring me down. I honestly don't know if I can handle it. I don't know if I can come back home a few years from now with a man at my side and still be treated as a loving son or brother.

These thoughts have wracked my mind for years, but through the encouragement of new friends and people who care, I have realized that now is the time for me to rise. I've seen the rights of LGBT - people who, unlike me, have embraced their full selves - be trampled on by modern politics, and I am enraged.

I need to become the best me that I can be if I'm going to make a difference, and I hope that this will be the first step in a long journey.