Richard Nixon Not Dead
Start writing a post
Arts Entertainment

Richard Nixon Is Not Dead

He actually works out at my gym.

Richard Nixon Is Not Dead

Have you ever wondered what happens to United States presidents after they leave (or rather are disgracefully removed) from public office?

Do they move out to the countryside? Possibly. Do they travel the world? Definitely!

Do they fake their deaths in 1994 and proceed to work out at a small gym in Northern New Jersey? Richard Nixon sure as hell does!

I know this might sound crazy, but there is a man who works out at my gym that bears a striking resemblance to ole Dick Nixon.

Now, I wish I could take a picture of this man to show you what I mean, but I'm not about taking pictures of random people in the gym. And I'm also not going to ask him for a picture because a) I don't believe most people would take kindly to being compared one of the most disgraced figures in American political history and b) if it is Richard Nixon, I don't want to blow his cover.

But I can tell you that he looks something like this:

And he walks like this:

And if he were to, I don't know, deny bastardizing American democracy of choice as we know it, he would probably do it in a manner similar to this completely arbitrary Youtube video I found:

My point is that this man is legitimately identical to Richard Nixon, so much so that I'm starting to believe that he is Richard Nixon. The nose. The widow's peak. The cheeks.

Everything is just too perfect. Richard Nixon definitely works out at my gym.

And moreover, he looks great for 105.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments