Have you ever wondered what happens to United States presidents after they leave (or rather are disgracefully removed) from public office?
Do they move out to the countryside? Possibly. Do they travel the world? Definitely!
Do they fake their deaths in 1994 and proceed to work out at a small gym in Northern New Jersey? Richard Nixon sure as hell does!
I know this might sound crazy, but there is a man who works out at my gym that bears a striking resemblance to ole Dick Nixon.
Now, I wish I could take a picture of this man to show you what I mean, but I'm not about taking pictures of random people in the gym. And I'm also not going to ask him for a picture because a) I don't believe most people would take kindly to being compared one of the most disgraced figures in American political history and b) if it is Richard Nixon, I don't want to blow his cover.
But I can tell you that he looks something like this:
And he walks like this:
And if he were to, I don't know, deny bastardizing American democracy of choice as we know it, he would probably do it in a manner similar to this completely arbitrary Youtube video I found:
My point is that this man is legitimately identical to Richard Nixon, so much so that I'm starting to believe that he is Richard Nixon. The nose. The widow's peak. The cheeks.
Everything is just too perfect. Richard Nixon definitely works out at my gym.
And moreover, he looks great for 105.