Rewind

Sometimes, I wish my life was a song

So I could just click rewind.

Today, I wish I could turn back time.

Hindsight has made me realize that those were the good days.

I cut the cord in the vain hope of finding something more.

Now I know I should have lowered my standards.

I wish I could have told myself that “it’s never getting better than this.”

If I could click rewind, I could stop myself from making so many mistakes.

I could take different turns and take a different road

Rather than this circuitous one than I’m on right now.

After all that time that we owe, she won’t return to this sunken ship.

Because now it’s clear

That she doesn’t love me

Like she did yesterday.

I can’t click rewind

So please, tell me I never mattered.

End my suffering, lay me to sleep.

Now I can see that everything that we had means nothing to you.

They say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Nowadays, I can say I’d rather feel nothing

Than all of this pain.

Overnight, our house of memories rapidly morphed into a house of cards.

Now, the remnants lay scattered, and you won’t help me put it back together.

I was a fool.

With the story of our life in tatters, I think of you all the time.

That story still clings to me every day. Every inch of my home reminds me of you.

The ghost of our past haunts me. I wish I could believe

That you never loved me.

That’d make it easier to move on; it would dull the pain.

But I keep hoping despite the fact that you’ve made me see

That you’re gone forever.

Sometimes, I wish my life was a song

So I could just click rewind.

Today, I wish I could turn back time.

Life isn’t a song, it’s not a game, and it’s not a complete joke.

It’s definitely not a box of chocolates.

But I keep on keeping on in the hope

Of finding the light at the end of the tunnel.

I can’t click rewind.

So now, it’s time to press play

and live life in the present.

In the present, I'm listening to a sad song.

I've got so many things to be thankful for, yet everything feels so wrong.

I'm in an ocean of people but I still feel so alone.

I don't want my life to be this way, but I don't know how to make it stop.

I'm losing myself as this rabbit hole gets deeper.

Nobody can really help me (not anymore, at least.)

But it's becoming clear that I can't save myself.

I can't stand the animal I have become,

I'm sick and I don't know how to get better.

What's the point of it all? I'm doing everything wrong.

Add another failure to my long list of them.

I'm in a dark tunnel and there's no light in sight.

Looks like I'm fading into darkness.

This kid is not alright. No matter how much I pretend, the truth is that

I'm not okay.