A lot of us admittedly spend the better majority of our lives trying to "find ourselves."
We go about this in a number of ways; many of which end up being self-destructive and only lead us further away from whatever it is about ourselves that we were trying to "find."
Keep in mind that in order to lose something, you had to of owned it or had possession of it in the first place. So whatever it is about yourself that you "lost" it must have been yours, to begin with.
Therefore, I don't necessarily think life is about finding ourselves because though we may temporarily lose a piece of our character or personality, it's never physically lost and unrecoverable.
In essence, from my point of view, life is not about finding ourselves or fixing ourselves; it's about returning to ourselves.
Though I won't go down the rabbit hole of trying to define what our purpose in "life" is, I will offer some ideas about one of the endless ways we can view what this crazy ride is all about.
To some, defining what life "is" and what life is "about" may sound like the same thing. However, I think of it this way: We can know what the plotline of a story is about but this doesn't mean we know what the author's purpose or idea behind the plotline is.
Agree with me or don't. Read this or don't. As I've said before, I write to understand and I am so appreciative of those who are willing enough to hold on and follow along on this mental trajectory of mine.
As humans, we tend to have this general drive to find purpose in everything. We have a hard time accepting that some things in life just "are" and that there is no bigger or better meaning behind it.
In fact, a lot of us can't leave good enough alone when someone doesn't immediately respond to a text or email and we refuse to accept that there is zero reasoning or intention behind their delayed response.
You sent a message to someone, that someone hasn't responded yet.
Could it be that simple? In the mind of a teenage girl eagerly awaiting a response, I can tell you, it's not.
Though sometimes, it really is just that simple.
I say that life is about returning to ourselves because I believe that most of us (if we are able to recognize it), have at some point or another experienced a kind of warmth and peace that transcends all understanding of what we experience on a day-to-day basis.
Whether we remember it or not, there was a time, however brief, when we were untainted by trauma, sadness, grief and difficulty. There are still days or moments here and again when even in the most turbulent of life storms, we have a fleeting, familiar feeling when things seem to feel okay again.
Sometimes this moment is when you lose yourself while closing your eyes hanging your head out of the car window while riding next to someone whose company you enjoy and the wind is warm and the music makes you feel light.
Sometimes this moment comes when you're stirring something on the stove and you just lose yourself for a moment in the rhythmic motion of swirling and stirring and you feel that temporary tease of inner peace.
Maybe this moment is in the middle of a difficult divorce that you can't seem to shut out of your head but you see your child running towards your car with a sensational, stupid, silly smile and you can't help but have a smile of your own bubble up and build from that peaceful place inside of you and you feel that brief brightness and lightness again.
I think life is about returning to ourselves because of the fact that we are capable of feeling and experiencing moments like this even in the worst of times. This means that this person who can feel bliss and happiness is somewhere inside of us and maybe, just maybe, life is a series of tests reminding us to return to that space within; reminding us that we already have what we need.
Life is about returning to ourselves so that we can ultimately remain in that perfect space of warm, golden, lightness. That space within that feels infinitely accessible and immeasurably giving. Remain in that space and return to it when you begin to feel clouded, heavy and empty. We have access to this space at all times. Like a crab withdrawing in towards its shell, know that you too, carry your home with you. Know that you too, are strong as hell and when it feels like there is nobody around protecting you, know that you are the one capable of protecting yourself.
So maybe life is about finding yourself or creating yourself but if you've been able to relate to any ounce of this feeling I'm trying to convey, then reconsider that life could be about returning to yourself.
