Why Compromise Is Important In Relationships

Why Compromise Is Important In Relationships

When relationships go south, welcome change.
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I believe in compromise—in truth, in honesty, in respect. In my opinion, the most important factor in a romantic relationship between you and your partner is to talk things out when things get rough.

Why do I think compromise so important? Essentially, it allows you and your partner to balance each other’s needs by considering both of your positions, which leads to mutual understanding between the two of you as well as a solution to the main issue. As a direct result of understanding you each have sacrificed something in order to share the solution with your partner, both of you will gain each other’s trust, and in doing so, commitment.

A good relationship is built on a strong foundation of trust, commitment, and compromise. Trust can waver when you feel insecure. Commitment can get shaky when you feel uncertain. Compromise, though, always exists regardless of how you feel. Should you and your partner continue to compromise on issues between you two, trust and commitment will continue to stand strong and stable.

If you are unhappy with the way your partner is too “this” or too “that,” you should talk to him or her about the situation. Say how you feel about the issue rather than accusing your partner of doing or being “this” or “that.” For example, say, “I don’t like it when you play games too much,” instead of outright stating, “you play games too much.” The first is honest and emotional. It’s how you feel. The second is very accusatory and will put your partner on the spot. Be polite and try to work things out between you in a collaborative manner.

Do not panic if your partner refuses to compromise. Consider this: If it is their first time working out a resolution seriously with a partner, they might see compromise as a weakness or a foreign idea. A saying exists that goes, “it is better to lose the battle in order to win the war.” There will be times where you have to stomach your pride in order to come to a resolution during an argument. But if your partner refuses to compromise, you may have to completely step back for the sake of preserving the relationship, which is more important than winning an argument. For now, it might be troublesome to to let your partner have his or her way, but in the long run, it is worth the trouble. You will maintain a positive relationship and you will know how to resolve problems in the future.

Choosing not to compromise may cost you the relationship in the long run, because similar problems that will not resolve themselves will arise even if both partners have forgotten the specific issue. If it hasn’t been worked out between the two of you, ignoring it will not make it better. If you have a partner who never compromises, then you should rethink the relationship and where it might be headed in the long run. Are you likely to continue giving up and sacrificing for the sake of your partner when he/she is unwilling to do the same for you? Are you content with the state your relationship is in right now? I don’t have the answer to that, because the answer should lie within you.

In the end, it is up to you to decide what you want to do. But if you truly believe you want to preserve your relationship with your significant other, then take a stab at compromising because it can most definitely improve your relationship in ways you might not have thought possible.

Cover Image Credit: europeanville.com

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.

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Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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Until You Put A Ring On Their Finger, They’re Not Family

"Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten." ~Stitch

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If your mom is the traditionalist sort of mother mine is, the title probably sounds just like something your mom has told you about bae. It's something I resented for a long time, and then I just tolerated. It wasn't until I rewatched "Lilo and Stitch" that what my mom had always said finally clicked.

I hadn't seen "Lilo and Stitch" since I was a little kid. Back then, I think I mostly appreciated the sing-along songs and funny Bleakly moments, as most kids do. And believe me, I still love every one of those moments. But when you rewatch a childhood movie in your 20s, you find a lot more meaning behind everything.

Towards the beginning of the movie, Lilo makes the same mistake a lot of us have made or will make at some point: putting bae before everyone else, including family. And that's where the disagreement sets in. By a lot of people's way of thinking, your S.O. is family.

You probably know all about each other, from the best to the worst. You tell each other everything and go everywhere together. You might've been together for three months or even three years, but regardless you love each other a lot and can't imagine a life without the other. Until you break up.

Because you will break up. It sounds harsh, but if you've had a breakup before you understand this, and if you haven't you will at some point. And when you do, you're not going to be calling boo family anymore.

You can't cry on your S.O.'s shoulder when they're the reason you're broken. That dynamic duo thing you had going for so long is ripped out from under you, and suddenly you'll feel more like an island than ever before.

That doesn't sound like family to me. Someone who is family is someone you can count on, always. Not just when things are going well, but in spite of things going the way you want them to.

Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

There's a good chance you haven't always felt like your family treated you that way. Maybe like my mom, they don't feel the same way about bae that you do. Please don't resent them for it; when the two of you break up, family—your true family—are the only ones that will be there for you.

It's also likely a self-fulfilling prophecy has been created around the whole situation. We push family away in favor of the people we think are closer than family, and then resent the rest for not being closer. Sometimes it takes something as upsetting as a breakup to realize who was really there all along, waiting for you to come to your better judgment.

Although it may seem difficult, if not impossible now, always put family first. They've been there for you a lot longer than your S.O. has, and you can count on them always being by your side. When you find someone who respects you for that decision, they might just be the one to seal the deal with.

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