New Year Resolutions: the bane of actually starting fresh. A veil for a “new you,” hiding the reality of the past months and hiding the fact that you did not choose to make these changes earlier, despite unchanged ability.
Maybe this sounds pessimistic. Or maybe it sounds like honesty. The truth is that nearly everyone who sets out to make a change for a “better me” in the New Year fails—or, does what they consider failing. The actuality is that resolving to lose ten pounds, resolving to work out six days a week, or resolving to cut out sugar, starting on January 1, is the equivalent of setting yourself up for failure. Why? These resolutions don’t better oneself. They punish you. They’re unrealistic, and they’re unhappy. If you weren’t willing to commit to that sort of lifestyle on November 17, December 20, or December 29, there is a reason. Delaying the punishment and giving it a set date will not change its meaning in your mind. The carb flu won’t go away just because it’s now 2017. Waking up at 5 a.m. to gruel on a treadmill, if you hate running, won’t become fulfilling and life changing just because it’s 2017. It will become a chore.
The intention of this piece was never actually to dismiss resolutions. In fact, I think having healthy and attainable resolutions is good for us. Having a goal, something to work towards and receive self-fulfillment from in the process of it is healthy. The reason it fails is because we take one slip up—a missed workout, a few parties with treats, a night of drinking—as a total failure. This isn’t failing, it’s called living. It’s called life. Unless you’re committed to losing sight of everything you once were and loved, these goals will not last. They aren’t sustainable.
Rather than focus on negativity, on what you haven’t done or need to do, focus on letting go of these harsh expectations. Focus on bettering yourself through a realistic lens; a lens that allows life to come into the image, rather than one that zooms in too far.
Let go of the idea that your goal must be perfect. The road to any destination, be it a 4.0 GPA, a fitness goal, a new business, or a new project, is complex. It’s bumpy and rugged, filled with trenches and mountains. That’s all part of the process.
Let go of the idea that your goal must be someone else’s. What your outcome is and how you achieve it is entirely you. Stop sharing it with everyone you meet, and stop telling them everything about your process. Stop looking for someone else to validate that you are doing a good job. If your goal is truly about you and for you, only you can propel yourself towards it. Only you can seriously create pride in yourself. Further, if your goal really isn’t set on and for you, good luck maintaining it.
Let go of the idea that you need a resolution, period. You don’t need a new year, or a set declaration of your intentions, to start something. If this helps you, then great. But try to let go of the idea that feeling good should be formal.
Finally, let go of anything, including this piece, that you feel doesn’t help you create the form of yourself that you wish to attain. If you feel that what helps you to achieve what you believe in contradicts with what someone else tells you, then by all means, follow you. Creating you and changing you is up to you, and that’s all that really matters.
