Why i didn't have any words to write about this past month, and how I recover from my rut through religion
Inspiration fell to hell.
I had no words to say, everything was just felt.
Fire, fury, aging worry,
I have not written because the things that were carried
We so very, very, scary.
Confusion was a big part of why I had no things to write.
I didn't want to paint words that would bite.
It's been a while, but now I'm back
By the Grace of God who has my back.
I stopped for a while in desperation to reflect,
On the years, the tears, and piles of regret
I felt too much pain, too many burdens bringing me down
I felt so strangled, I choked to make sound.
God was there for me within this time of confusion
He was waiting patiently, defogging the illusion
That what I need to be can be found just within me!
That can never be true you see…
No, stop your judging,
I am not speaking from the bulging
Emotional side of my brain,
The same side that takes thrill the world's ugliest games.
This is logic speaking, for it has finally met God.
After years of putting it off, praising Darwin's plain laws.
The irony is clear,
"Save me, save me, oh dear!"
I said was I wrapped the noose around my neck, tightened it and kicked down the step.
I did not think that anyone else could save me.
So I worked and I worked and I still felt empty.
Some say that my God is no different from yours,
But if yours can't save, than the only important difference is clearly made
My God comes out to find me,
When I am hanging on a thread and dying.
My God comes out to save me,
When I'm broken and there's no glue to fix me.
I have a purpose now.
I thought I was born knowing my place
But living in confusion has shown me God's grace!
How through our faith in Him we find meaning and purpose
Power so strong that we can not be swayed by false emotions
The person that God sent to me,
Was for reasons deeper than at first I could see.
The Columbia graduate, thought intelligent and keen,
Carries an arrogance, separating him from seeing,
How he can massively impact more than just one kid,
Thought I appreciate that he took the time and did
But I notice how strong and sure this man was in his beliefs, though only in literature, I'm sure more runs deep. Imagine a class at Stanford, Harvard, Yale, God my be delaying this because he knows I am not yet prepared. For the top schools of our country have an agenda to create students, who are passionately aware and adamantly sure.
But if I am not sure, at no top school will I last, I will be swept away and left out of the cast
System that exists to corrupt while pretending to give, well why then is there so much more suffering and dead
Than good in this world, not every ivy league because a world winning savior
So many are happy enough with their intellectual endeavor, but I need to leave something behind in the world that God gave me, something as big, as great, as the gifts he has given me.
I am going to be okay, I know that now.
But through deep sacrificial prayer and my need to make God apart of my character and mind, which includes reading and taking the time.
I know that I only thought this… I'll be fine.