I refuse to overthink our relationship, if that's what we're even calling it. I like you, and you seem to like me. What could go wrong? And, perhaps more appropriately, what could go right?
Do you know how I can tell I like you? I can tell I like you by the flutter of butterflies I get in my stomach when I notice your freshly shaved face. I can tell I like you when you reference an obscure meme and I actually get the dry witticism behind it. I can tell I like you when you explain the hypocrisy of government, and I can tell I like you when I can respectfully disagree with parts of your political beliefs but can gain new knowledge and grow in my own perspective.
Do you know how I can tell you like me? I can tell you like me when you ask if I want to split an entree when we go out to eat. I can tell you like me when you ask how classes are going, how my day has been, and then you actually take the time to listen. I can tell you like me when you wrap your arm around me, when you sigh with content under your breath when I rest my head on your chest, when you rub the pad of your thumb over my hand when we're strolling down the lake walk at dusk.
If it's so clear to me that I like you and you like me, then why am I prone to overthinking what I think could and consider to be a beautiful thing? Is it because I'm looking for a weak point, a crutch, a point where suddenly everything will come crumbling down and we'll both look at each other, holding up pieces of a million piece puzzle that's impossible to put back together again? Is it because I've been hurt in the past- manipulated to to the point of finding it difficult to trust men who seem to have good intentions behind their charming actions? Is it because I'm so willing to wear my heart on my sleeve- almost to a fault- and I get confused and even turned off by people who take a little while longer to open up?
To put it simply, dear, I refuse to overthink my actions. I want to start something new with you, and I want to start something new with myself. I want to be genuine. I want to be in the moment. I want to be in love. And, that's what I'm attempting to pursue with you. That's what I hope you're attempting to pursue with me. I am going to be unapologetically me, and I refuse to overthink my actions out of anxiety or fear of the future.
I'm going to need your help. There are going to be days when I crumble- internally, externally- like cookies at the bottom of the cookie jar. I'm going to need you to listen to my wants, my desires, my hopes and my dreams and my aspirations for myself and for us. I'm going to need you to compromise with me, and I with you.
Let's work together to build something beautiful- and let's work together to do so confidently, boldly, and unapologetically.
