Reflections On A 17 Year Old Self
Start writing a post
Entertainment

Reflections On A 17 Year Old Self

70
Reflections On A 17 Year Old Self
Brendan Wright

My throat was very scratchy by the time I pulled into to the parking area on the west side of Lake Bomoseen. It was usual that there’d be a few trucks parked, and this afternoon was no exception. I imagine I must've looked out of place among the few men loitering the dirt lot with their red coolers, and fishing rods. It was late June, and much too hot to be wearing sweaters, but I hadn’t taken this Skidmore sweater off since I got it. My hair was in wisps, slightly slicked back from the 20 minute car ride from Rutland.

I walked towards the water, and sat on the rocks. I switched gears from the abrasive noise I’d been listening to in the car, and put on “6 Ft Beneath The Moon”, which was currently in the running for the soundtrack of Summer 2014. A mixture of punk-jazz, and hip hop, this record, delivered by Archy Marshall, aka King Krule, was easily the most relatable thing I’d listened to in quite awhile. The watery guitar chords dosed in an echoey reverb, were juxtaposed with harsh baritone vocals, painting a desolate soundscape of loneliness and an abyss of isolation.

In interviews, Marshall was quite reserved. He'd smoke cigarettes between his bone thin fingers, mumbling answers to questions in his thick British accent. At first glance, it was hard to imagine this 19 year old kid was getting so much buzz on the web. But, with his music behind him, Archy was screaming out at the world.

That summer, there wasn’t a day I wasn’t perpetually exhausted. My 17 year old wrists poked out or my sweater. The bone seemed more and more prevalent with each hour. The irritation in my stomach was bad today, and the more I thought about it, the worse the thoughts had become. I regretted leaving the house now. All I wanted was sleep.

I was tired of everything. I didn’t see how school would make me successful. I was smart, and I got straight A’s. The grades, yes they’d get me to college, but what then? A successful job? Highly respected among society?

I didn’t give one about being in the top of my class. Why was it that all these people have to equate success to status? Why can’t they just see a beautiful person without comparing me to some sort of standard, or some other grade obsessed student.

And why would I be respected? Because I would have a chance at wealth? Going through hell from 9 to 5, 5 days a week, pipetting my sorrow from beaker A to beaker B, so I could look forward to going home and filling the void with the false perceptions of happiness the media enforces on us?

My head ached with angst. All I really wanted to do was be King Krule. Writing songs. And screaming at all of them. Emaciated, and searching for purpose.

Looking out at the water, I tried hard to lose myself in the music or the atmosphere, if only for a few seconds.

To escape.

Two years later I sit in reflection. The birth of my adulthood started in an eating disorder, cradled in the teen cynicism. And despite how much happier I may feel, my mindset hasn’t changed much. To this day, the only thing I truly desire, is genuine happiness.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

39860
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

24421
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

950336
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

130198
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments