Dear my freshman self, 2014;
I really wish I was sitting across from you right now and looking you in the face. Deep down I know you were scared but so excited that you took this use step into college. I remember waking up the next day after being moved in and feeling almost like I was at a sleep away camp. For some reason you thought that this was going to be a temporary thing. Four years was too much for you to truly absorb. So you did what you did best: woke up each day and took each day as its own thing.
Those nights you sat in your bed trying to sleep, scared about that first failed exam you got back, don't worry.
Those morning you woke up with the growing heavy as winter started and you started to struggle to go to class.. you pushed on.
Those moments you felt all your classmates around you had their lives together 4 weeks in and you still struggled to go to sleep on time... They were just as scared as you are.
You went through multiple heart breaks, you sat through class where you felt like you were the only one that had no idea what was going on. You learned how to take a step back and truly prioritize yourself and your needs.
2014 was a crazy crazy year. Leaving home, and moving into a whole new STATE.
Don't worry. This was and still is the best decision on your life.
You made friends that struggled and grew with you.
You laughed with PROFESSORS!
You pulled all-nighters.
and you said "Fuck this" more times than what you liked to admit.
but one that I wish you knew right now is that
We made it.
We are walking, we are getting our cap and gown, and your family will see you walk.
I'm imaging you sitting at your desk, looking out the window. I remember after the first week of classes you said to yourself "what did do to myself?"
Love, You made the world see you.
You demanded to be seen though your imperfections, and you spoke the truth when inside, you wanted to crawl in a hole and hide.
You learning to apologize when you messed up, and you learned to be heard when you felt wronged.
Self love was something you challenged so much in.
And even tough it 4 years later, I'm still struggling a little. But thank you so much for telling yourself you go this. Thank you so much for pushing trough the nights it seemed impossible.
When those doubted you, you stuck a middle finger at them by becoming me, today.
You always had a hidden talent of making everything work.
And you made it work.
Everyday I look in the mirror in the morning I can feel truly satisfied on where I am... and that all you ever wanted.
We got what we wanted.
