Redemption: earning back any type of trust or respect from someone, paying back a debt, owning up to a bad habit/ changing it, taking accountability. Redeeming yourself for something you have done to another person. You earned redemption.
This is a tough topic for many. As humans, we suffer through accountability and taking ownership for something we are embarrassed to admit that we have done. We lack that self awareness piece of us that we all strive to have. For some, redemption is easy, for others, it is a square that we keep circling in.
I wanted to shed some light on how to redeem yourself to someone or something that you want to fix. Let's start small and add some importance to certain topics.
- Accountability. This is very hard to do, but if you are seeking redemption, this is imperative. We must own up and take a stance for what we have done and find a solution or explanation to this issue. For example, you may have lied to a person you care for, which resulted in loss of trust in you to this other person. What we can do to make this situation better is first start off by explaining or admitting why we did it. Then, create a solution to this issue. Let's say you lied to a friend about going out with someone else, and told them you were at home. They found out and were very upset with you. First, talk to your friend and explain why you did what you did. As people, we tend to always have a motive behind our actions, and that is most likely why the lie was told. Second, we must prove that we will never do this again. Which swings to my next topic: effort.
- Effort. In order to prove redemption is possible and trust is able to be re-built, we must put effort into this. Let's look at the lie we told earlier to our friend. Your friend might say that "actions speak louder than words", which is a very fair argument. In order to solve this issue, if you are willing to, and if your friend is willing to give another chance, we can show them this with appropriate effort. If our actions speak louder than our words, let's put that into action and make it reality. An apology can only go so far, which is my next topic.
- Apologizing. When we feel bad or that we did wrong, we can step forward with an apology to this person and make it up to them with an explanation, accountability, and effort shown. The apology will reinforce your feelings for what you did and give the other person some closure for hurting them. An apology will always be reinforcement as long as it is not over used often. When we apologize, we must mean it and never do what we did again. If we repeat that behavior, this can lead to us having to move on from this person. This will lead to my next topic.
- Moving on. When do you know when you are unable to redeem yourself directly to this person? This is tricky. Many people have a 3 times you are out, or 1 and done type of mindset. So when someone is done with you and the behavior you set out on the table; it is best to move on and forgive yourself without actually apologizing to them. If they cannot get over what you have done, or are not willing to accept your apology/ changed behavior/ accountability/ effort- it's best to put this behind you and take it as a lesson you have learned. Some people will not allow room for redemption, and that is their choice. This is when you forgive yourself and promise yourself you will never do this to another person. You saw the outcome, you felt it. Learn from it and understand you made a mistake. Don't beat yourself up, just try and be better.
Redeeming yourself is not going to always be easy. It takes practice and a lot of work understanding your flaws and attempting to make a change in who you are. We cannot sweat the small stuff.
We must wake up everyday and be a better person. The past is in the past. Forgive yourself for past actions, and always know that actions speak louder than words. Some people may never forgive you, and some may give several chances to see you develop into the best version of you. Both sides are entitled to these feelings and opinions, and we must never harp on the bad situations we cause or issues we started. Tomorrow is another day. Be you, and stay strong.
Love always, Mel.