Struggling To Love My Reflection In The Mirror
Start writing a post
Health Wellness

Struggling To Love My Reflection In The Mirror

Feeling beautiful in my own skin is that hardest thing I've ever had to do.

368
Struggling To Love My Reflection In The Mirror
Abigail Cauthon

Look. I don't want to sound cliché nor do I want to word-vomit self-love practices all over you but here it goes.

I've struggled most of my life to love myself. My earliest memory of loathing the little girl I saw in the mirror was when I was eight-years-old and crying because I wasn't skinny enough or beautiful enough. I look back on this memory and it breaks my heart. Sincerely. It hurts me that at such a young age I worried about things like that. I remember hating my body so young that it's been a constant fight in my life since. I remember taking showers as a kid, pretending that the hot water would burn all the fat away. I had wished it was that easy.

It's not just my indifference toward my body that I struggle with. It's eating a ton of food, lacking the desire to work out, not drinking enough water, not getting enough sleep, and causing myself stress. It's as if I'm climbing up a steep mountain carrying a boulder on my back that threatens to crush me. I struggle with all of these things and it all makes me feel unworthy. Granted, some days are better than others. But on the worst days, I find my reflection, looking it up and down, studying the fat that I could so easily live without.

Sometimes I look back on old photos of myself as an early teenager and wonder why I ever thought I was overweight. No matter how often people told me I was beautiful, perfect the way I was, or even dumb for thinking I was "fat," I never believed them. The only way for me to believe it myself was to feel beautiful in my own skin, and that's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

What I'm getting at here is that loving myself is another task on my to-do-list. It's something I have to remind myself of constantly or else I'll forget to. It's an odd way of putting things, I know, but it's the truth.

I've just recently realized how much I've neglected taking care of myself. I'm so good at taking care of school work and chores that I miss the fact that loving myself and keeping myself healthy should have always been at the top of my to-do-list. So, I've taken the steps to find that fire within myself. I recently downloaded an app called "My Fitness Pro" and began logging my daily food and water intake and recording my exercise time. It's helped me to open my eyes and see how many calories I ate beforehand, not even thinking about what I was putting into my body. Logging all of this information, I've realized how many calories certain foods really do have, and seeing how dependent I felt and still do feel on food.

Of course, we all need food for sustenance, but it's a matter of regulating it. I want to take back my body, to reclaim it. I want to get healthy, to feel good, to feel worth it. I know that feeling worth it is all in self-confidence, something that I can change at any moment, but I find that reclaiming my body will also help me feel indestructible. What a powerful, driven word. That's what I'm going to be. Indestructible.

I know that for the next few months challenging myself to stay on track, to refrain from cravings, and keeping myself driven is going to be a monumental task, but I can't help but think how great I'll feel in a two-piece bathing suit on my 21st birthday this summer. That's the goal, to wear a two-piece bathing suit, something I NEVER do. I want to show my progress and to be proud of my body. I want to look at myself and say 'you did it.' I want to challenge myself to the hardest thing I've ever had to do—to feel beautiful in my own skin. I'm going to do it, just you wait.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

15168
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

945068
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

122092
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses
Pinterest

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments