I have a strong sense of who I am, my identity, things I like and don't like and I'm not afraid to speak my mind when it comes to my thoughts and feelings. I am a confident person overall, but this wasn't always how things were.
I lost my sense of identity when I was in an emotionally toxic relationship.
"Walking on eggshells" a metaphor I am too familiar with. It means to be extremely cautious about one's words or actions and usually, the things you end up saying or doing don't really play into your favor.
This opens up so many opportunities for miscommunication and manipulation within a relationship.
We walk on eggshells in relationships because we're scared, in my case, I was scared of losing the closest thing I considered family. Even though I was being mistreated, it was better than being alone.
That's a fucking lie.
After so many times of being tossed aside like a rag doll and being emotionally drained for one's pleasure, I came to an epiphany; I realized didn't have to put myself through any of this. I grabbed my things and walked out of his house and I never looked back (true story, I literally grabbed a backpack and didn't say a word).
I would blame myself for the problems we had, "I'm not good enough," or "I should have been more understanding." You know, the usual stuff. If I could go back in time and speak to my old self, I'd smack her across the face and tell her to knock it out and see the truth! The only thing you did "wrong," woman, was the fact that you dated an A-hole!
I left the relationship feeling degraded, unimportant and just overall an unattractive human being. For the first time in my life, I was at rock bottom.
There's a fine line between compromising and being taken advantage of. Keep your feelings in check and ask yourself if you're happy in the situation you are in now.
The process of building back my confidence was a long one and it's still ongoing. I don't think it actually stops.
Still, I vowed to never give someone that much power over me again. Whether if it's my significant other, friend or family member, no one should be treated with such disrespect.
Nowadays, I don't walk on eggshells, I crush them.