I don't want kids, there's really no other nicer way that I can say that. To me, the sheer idea of pregnancy absolutely terrifies me. Some women grow a tiny basketball belly and grow literally no fat on any other part of their bodies. Others blow up to twice their size and, knowing my luck, I'll end up looking like the Great White Whale. I'm really not up to the idea of having to pee constantly and having my organs squished up into my rib cage to accommodate a tiny human. I've known so many women who complained about how massively uncomfortable they were and I just remember thinking to myself, "Why to put yourself through all that pain?"
Now we all know that answer to that question — babies! Babies are cool as hell. I love their chubby little legs and that precious, stompy walk that they do when they're just learning how. They have this amazing ability to poop literally everywhere but still win you over with those toothless, chubby smiles. But what terrifies me about them is that you also have no idea how they are going to turn out. As a parent, there's only so much you can control. Once they're old enough, you can only hope that you gave them a good enough foundation to be able to make good decisions on their own. That bouncing little nugget of love could very well turn into a serial killer, child molester, or worst of all, just an asshole. To me, there's just too much to consider when it comes to babies. And I don't know if I want to be the one responsible for screwing my kid's life up.
I've told a few people in my life that I don't want to have children. So far I've heard:
"Oh, you'll change your mind."
"You have to give your life some kind of meaning!"
"What if your husband wants them?"
"What if you get lonely?"
"What will you do when you get older?"
When I get older, maybe I'll climb a mountain, maybe I'll start a business, who the hell knows? My life will have meaning based on the people and experiences that I surround myself with. I know I won't be lonely. I'm going to make sure to keep myself around amazing people and I will definitely make sure to marry a decent guy. And who knows? I may change my mind about kids one day. I never like to say anything for certain in life. For now, kids are just not a part of my future. When I look ahead I see a Master's degree, maybe a Ph.D. I see a career doing something that makes me happy, and a home with a person that makes me happier.
It's hard for me to understand why the idea of a career-driven woman who focuses on her own happiness is almost taboo, especially in society today. Historically, women are supposed to be the self-sacrificing ones. They are supposed to be the epitome of good, willing to put their own needs and dreams aside for the good of their families. Women used to be defined by their ability to have children. Now things for women have obviously changed for the better since then, but I think that idea still managed to stay in the back of people's minds.
The default life of a woman today is college, job, marriage, kids. Right now, I plan on deviating from that path in my life, and, frankly, I'm really damn tired of getting questioned for that. My worth as a person is not, and should not be defined, solely on my urge to bring a child into the world. That does not mean that I hate kids, I just don't want any of my own. That should not be so hard to understand.