Realizing That My Past Has Made Me Who I Am
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Realizing That My Past Has Made Me Who I Am

A letter to a person I met once, and made a massive impact on my outlook on life.

Realizing That My Past Has Made Me Who I Am

The Human Library™ is designed to build a positive framework for conversations that can challenge stereotypes and prejudices through dialogue. The Human Library is a place where real people are on loan to readers. A place where difficult questions are expected, appreciated and answered.

During their event in Mumbai, on the 28th of May 2017, I had the opportunity to attend this event. I came across a “Human Book," who shall go by the name of MV, who shared his story of his attempts at suicide and his struggle with depression. It inspired me to sit down and thank him in the form of an email, and resulted in my first time summarizing my own struggle with depression.


Hello MV!

My name is Sai. I'm not sure if you remember me, but we met at the Human Library event in Bandra a little over a week ago.

I just wanted to thank you once again, for sharing your story and telling us what's on your mind. It was incredibly charging, and your positivity and straightforwardness was contagious.

I would like to share my story with you, to read when you have the time. I want you to know that it ends on a good note, and I have you to thank.

I had been struggling with my depression since 9th standard in school, all starting from bullying. I was never into sports, I used to stay indoors, focus on art, read, talk to girls. For some reason, that was wrong, according to them. It was because I liked art, and not sports, that I was called various homophobic slurs, for two whole years, day after day. Suddenly, I bottled up. I stopped speaking to people, barely slept, cried, hurt myself, but I did not understand what it was at the time, and i constantly considered it to be "just me being weak".

Until it bubbled over in college, 5 years later. I had my first panic attack and it cost me my first relationship. I almost got suspended for under-performing in academics, and I needed to fix it. It started getting a little better with time, but there were still extreme ups and downs all throughout college.

However, towards the end of college in 2015, it happened again. I had another panic attack, and my friends, after telling me for over 2 years, told me I should go to the counseling center and talk it out.

You were right when you said that if someone isn't seeking help, they are incredibly stupid. I realized it only then, after pushing it off for so long. I got into practicing meditation, and it helped center me and ground me. It helped calm me down.

And then, I moved to Mumbai. Leaving all my friends behind, coming to a place where I barely knew anyone, I was back at square one. Instead of learning from my earlier mistake and seeking help, I threw myself in my work. However, I turned to art, as therapy, drawing daily. It was incredibly helpful, it helped relieve stress, distract me, and it was fun.

And now, two years later, I am finally quitting my job. I'll be going to grad school soon. I've started to worry again. I left college and came here, and was a mess. I'm finally in a good place again, but in 2 months, I'm leaving again. Who's to say it won't happen again? Who's to say that I will not spiral and go back to square one?

But I am not making that same mistake again. As soon as I quit, I'm going to visit a psychiatrist recommended by a friend. I will talk, vent, and do what it takes to get better. I have you to thank for that.

I want you to know you have made a difference to someone. Thank you.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments