Rant/ Really God?

Rant/ Really God?

Happy fiftieth!
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Have you ever been in a situation of major frustration? To the point that you wanted to cry, scream, punch something, give up, die and get a hug all at the same time. I have had many eye-opening experiences over the past year. Therefore I decided to write about them. So I’m going to get a little bit raw, here. Normally I take life one day at a time. Then like months later, when I am able to laugh about it; a short story comes. My life can be found in my fiction. Many times in my life I am unable to deal with my emotions, thoughts, and feelings. So I write them. Many of my “good” short stories come out of an emotion I could not vocalize. I have been excused for being an emotionless robot several times in life. That’s a fair cop because I have a monotone voice and do not seem to have feelings or opinions. Since I am unable to be a functional member of society I had to find a way to cope. Through writing fiction and my short stories, I have been able to bring myself to a state of functioning insanity. To the point that I am completely insane but nobody knows it (ha ha, suckers! You do not even notice; I’m insane).

Anyway, massive frustration comes and goes; the best way to describe it is the statement of, “Really God?” You know what I mean when you look up at the heavens and exclaim, “Really God!?! Why me?” These happen when God gives you a situation that you feel is too much. Over the past year of my life, I have had many of these “Really God?” moments. One was just a few days ago. So I’m going to get raw. This is no beating around the bush fictionalized account of real events. The reason I’m writing an “I” statement piece is this is a special article. Welcome to my fiftieth Odyssey article folks! So I have been writing for the Odyssey for a year now. So I’m reflecting on the past year that I wrote for the website. But the only thing I can think of is, “Really God? Why me?” My sophomore year of college was rough. I was over-worked, under paid, stressed, kicked, beaten and bruised. Cool, right? So I wanted to write about life lessons I learned in the last year. I hope that is okay?

1. People will always surprise you. I was very worried about my roommate situation going into sophomore year. I did not know them (well I knew one of them but still they more acquaintances than friends). But now my roommates are my closest friends on campus. Pretty cool right? Also, I want to add that people come and go. Friends are very much based on situation way more than the character of a person. So, “friends” are contingent on the different classes you take and such. But true friends and close friends never leave. People grow and change. Some people you just grow apart and you just shrug your shoulders like, “eh.” Other people are worth fighting for.

2. For every one of those “Really God?” moments, there are like twelve, “Thank You God” moments. For example when was the last time you thanked God for your life? When was the last time you thank him for your food? Your house? Your education? Your family? Your friends? My life is a mess but I am surrounded by the best people. I have a family that loves me, an opportunity to go to college, and wonderful friends.

3. Writing is hard. You try to write a weekly short story and see how long you last.

4. I have also learned a lot about myself. (So I’ll list ten of them). In life, there are people who make lists and there are people who finish...

A. I learned that I want to be a teacher. After being an education major for two years I now know that is what I want to do with my life (thanks, Alternative Break!).

B. I’m a pretty awesome guy. I’m not the greatest person in the world but hey, you could do worse. And I’m okay with that.

C. If dragons were real; I would be dead right now.

D. I still do not know who Scott Baio is.

E. Life is hard. No one ever claimed it was easy but the trick to living a happy life is finding joy. Joy is not an emotion it is a choice. Once you know how to find joy and you surround yourself with the right people that you love… that’s a good life. (Love is a choice as well. Yet on the other hand, bitterness is also a choice.)

6. I let the dogs out.

G. I skipped F.

I. I do not have any answers… and maybe that’s okay.

10. I skipped H as well.

E. I realize that I stopped making sense a long time ago. I do not claim to have the secret to life. Because the secret to life is different for every person. The things that work for me will not work for you. Find the way that you can cope with all life throws at you and there you go. Some people drink, smoke, or strangle dolphins. I do not suggest those but if it works… then go for it. Some people pray, volunteer or strangle dolphins. Find your niche and do worry about what the world thinks. The critics, judges, and haters can go f*** themselves. Enjoy your life! I find joy is writing, what do you enjoy? God bless you and thank you for reading my articles for the past year. And here’s to another year of Eric Moran insanity! Peace!

P.S. So with all the times that I have asked God Really? Why me? I will say in my reflections about the last year of my life. I now find myself asking Really God? How did I get so lucky? I look at the people in my life and I can't believe how much God has given me. So I wanted to be honest with you (my reader). Yes I can say my reader! People read my work! Dreams do come true!

In writing; I am just an observer of life with a notepad. No story I write is pure fiction. Every story has a grain of truth to it. So thank you for sticking with me over one year of work. Even with all the bad articles and such. I am so very grateful.

Cover Image Credit: Crosswalk.com

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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The Truth About Politics In Religion And How It Affects Our Relationship With God

They don't have to be mutually exclusive.

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It's evident that religion can and has been used in politics from the values of voters and leaders. However, to use your religion or your relationship with God for making political decisions doesn't share the same meaning.

I've always loved finding all the best facts and research for argumentative work but I couldn't pursue that approach for this topic. Why? Because I've experienced the pattern in my relationship with God of how God defies logic.

God can't be contained to a definition or explanation. I liked the way I've heard one leader express that, "If you hear someone trying to explain to God as if he knows then he's a fool before he starts talking". That's a paradox within itself.

I've learned more recently to identify that the two sides of the paradox that you might wrestle with in understanding God are both true. That, yes, His hands are big and He knows exactly what to do to make you surrender but you'll also find no greater love than with Him because He has the biggest heart and knows what you need better than you do.

I think that accepting this paradox will differentiate between those that view politics religiously versus those that view it from 'what is God trying to do here'? The one that focuses on seeking 'what is God trying to do here?' would represent those with a relationship with God. This doesn't mean that referencing the laws of God exempts you from having a relationship but the love of God is the strength that sustains the relationship over the law. This is also a bit of a paradox because they're both important in Christianity.

There's the difference from seeing God as one-sided which is very prideful, limiting and incorrect compared to recognizing that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

I believe that what we believe and how we see God will bring limitations or provision on how we can be used in God's plan for His kingdom on earth when it comes to the way the world is run.

God, our relationship with God and the law of God all have to be considered in the things we do as Christians.

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