I Want To Become More Secure With Myself, And That All Starts With Loving Myself

I Want To Become More Secure With Myself, And That All Starts With Loving Myself

I deserve to feel self-secure and self-loved.

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I have been living a life full of insecurities and it is so hard to move on. However, there are several reasons why I want to learn how to feel more secure with myself. Here is the list of the biggest reasons why I want to work on my insecurities.

I want to be able to love someone else.

I have realized that if you do not first love who you are, it is extremely hard to love someone else. I feel as if I still have the ability to love, but I lose myself while I am loving someone else. The biggest issue that I found was that I began relying solely on the person I was loving to provide me with everyday happiness. That becomes draining. It hurt me to continuously drain the energy out of the person I said I loved everyday. How can I bring the person I love down each and every day? To me, that is not love. It is important to me before I try to love someone again, that I can look at myself with adoration.

It sucks that I am so good at self-deprecating jokes. I hate that it is so easy for me to make fun of myself. It is almost as if every joke I have to hand out is about a stupid thing I have done or about my appearance. I can imagine how awkward that must be for others. Of course, they laugh along, but how can other's respect me if I don't even respect myself?

Is it possible to stop nitpicking myself?

Every time the weekend roles around and it is time to hit the town, I catch myself in the mirror nitpicking. I honestly think if I didn't spend so much time picking out things I claim to hate about myself, my routine of getting ready could potentially be cut in half. And in all honesty, does anyone really notice the things that I notice? Probably not.

My friends love photo shoots, but I do not. My friends love location scouting and taking amazing VSCO- and Instagram-worthy photos. Do not get me wrong, I love the scouting part. However, when we arrive and it is time to take photos, my stomach drops. I am much more comfortable being behind the camera taking my friend's photos. I have broken down on multiple occasions and let my friends take my picture, which leads to deleting bulk amounts of photos. I have saved a few photos from these so-called "photo shoots," but I just want to be more comfortable doing things my friends enjoy.

I hate the amount of opportunities I didn't take.

I have been presented with so many different opportunities, and I did not take them. These range from opportunities to love someone, chances to go to really cool events, opportunities to speak in front of people, and even job offers. This is a really extensive reason for why I want to be able to love me, believe in me, and in more simpler terms feel more secure with myself overall. If I could just believe in myself a bit more, I could have probably had so much more content for my professional resume. If I loved myself a bit more, I would probably of not lost my chance to love another person. I dislike greatly how easy it is for me to cancel on someone or not take an opportunity just because I don't feel okay with myself.

Sometimes I feel like I do not have a voice.

Have you ever been sitting in class when the professor asks a question and you know the answer, but you do not raise your hand because you are second guessing yourself? That is me 24/7. More often than not there is something I want to say, but I am too scared to speak out. The "what ifs" flood my mind. What if I sound dumb, what if what I have to say starts an argument, what if they do not like me because of my opinion? It's not fair that I let my class participation grade suffer as a result of this. It is not fair that I do that to myself at all.

I am the queen of comparing. It could be a night where I feel really confident and on top of the world, then I compare myself to someone else in the room. The moment I compare myself, I ruin my night. I instantly want to go home and go to bed. This all goes back to missing out on opportunities. It sucks, and that is why I am working on loving myself more.

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I Hate That I Struggle To Love My 'Midsize' Body

I gained a few pounds, but that shouldn't be the end of the world, yet it is in a sense.

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Junior year of college has been quite the wild ride. I've had the best academic year of my entire life, yet struggled, in the end, to even want to get anything done. I didn't care about a lot of the things that used to matter to me.

I gained weight at the beginning of my second semester and went up a jean size, so half of my summer wardrobe just doesn't fit me anymore, and it's made me feel embarrassed. I went from a size 6 to an 8/10, and while it doesn't seem like a big jump to the average person, it was to me. I don't like looking in the mirror and seeing a bigger pooch than usual, or how my thighs have gotten super irritated because they also got bigger. Chaffing I used to only have in the summer occurred in late January and even scared my inner thighs. It's not cute and it hurts when it flares up. I am terrified to wear my bikinis again because I know they won't fit, and the second I put on shorts my thighs are going to want to kill me if I don't kill them first.

I came to really love my body last summer after struggling through a rough breakup where I stopped caring about myself. I owned myself last summer and as much as I want to again this summer, I'm really struggling with the idea of it.

All I feel like I see on social media are skinny girls with zero hint of a pooch or thick thighs in sight. I've never been a skinny girl and I never want to be, but I can't help but envy the people I've seen online and in person. Of course, what I see on social media isn't really accurate, but it's still been tough to look at these girls who seem like they don't have a care in the world. They can eat whatever they want and still look flawless. They can throw on a bikini and not have to feel like they need to suck everything in so no one sees their pooch hanging over their bikini bottom. As a stress eater who is still too terrified to try on her bikinis, I'm not looking forward to showing my body off when all I want to do sometimes is hide it because I don't feel happy with what I see.

I will always love being a curvier girl and YouTubers like Sierra Schultzzie, Carrie Dayton, and Lucy Wood have given me a new boost of inspiration to embrace the body I have right now. I'm not skinny but I'm not plus sized either. I feel pressure from myself and certain people in my life to be skinnier and not "let myself go." I

'm so happy to have friends who have helped me through my struggles and support me, even when I don't want to support myself. These YouTuber's have opened my eyes to the fact that this body deserves to be loved just as much as my former, smaller body.

I want to love myself with 100% of my being and I hate how much hatred I've allowed to go on inside of me. There is only one me and I need to be proud of her. Maybe she gained some weight and isn't what society expects from a girl, but she's still amazing and has so much to offer.

I wish I could see more girls like me on YouTube or social media offering a representation of my body type, which I hardly ever see. Aerie and American Eagle have done a fantastic job of including different body types and it's been a great help in seeing that they really to make clothes for all types of women, not just a size zero to two. Added representation really does wonders for someone suffering from low body confidence like me.

While I hope to begin my journey into losing a few pounds this summer by jogging whenever I get the chance, I'm not going to put intense pressure on myself to look a certain way. I am single for the summer and exploring life with my best friends by my side. I'm here to be the best version of me that I can. I cannot let negative thoughts about myself to dictate how I feel every day. I am strong, I am beautiful, and I need to love myself and my body as I am.

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Taking Time For Yourself Is Nothing To Feel Guilty About, It's Healthy

Your emotional health should be your utmost priority — and you deserve to be in good emotional health.

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Renowned Sōtō Zen monk Shunryu Suzuki once said that: "We do not exist for the sake of something else. We exist for the sake of ourselves." We've often been told the opposite, however. We've been told that our worth is dependent on what we can do for others and that our existence itself is meant for the advancement of society. There is no place within our culture to truly exist with ourselves. The parts of our culture that claim to value self-love and self-care tend to commodify it in the form of relaxation products and personal development products — albeit helpful at times but mostly meant to addict us without true benefit to our inner selves.

As a young student, I talked with an orthopedic surgeon — a very overworked, ambitious woman — who told me to learn how to make it in the long haul, whether in my personal, interpersonal, or career life. You had to learn to enjoy yourself and find inner peace along the way. Because there would come a time, she said, when I would become guilty to take time for myself and forget what it's like to really enjoy life. Unfortunately, I made it to that point — I worked and worked and worked until I finally burned myself out. That's when I had to make certain changes in my life to understand how I got to that point and where I needed to go from there.

In the midst of our grand ambitions, it's easy to either go all in or all out. Either to give your entire self to a certain end or give nothing at all. I've been very much guilty of ending up on both ends of the spectrum — I would either devote all my time to writing/school or hit a roadblock and give it all up for a while. It felt like the value of my life was predicated on success, whatever that meant, in terms of contributing more and more and achieving more and more. It's never, ever enough, however. No matter what you achieve, there will always be a million more things on your to-do list. Whatever you triumph over, there will always be a million more roadblocks in your path.

The answer for me was to learn how to exist with myself, how to exist with other people, how to exist amidst all the dreams I had for the future, but also in the present moment where all my past dreams had come to fruition. Sometimes I would dive too deep into myself, and lose myself in thought, as noted in Chbosky's "The Perks of Being a Wallflower," "Sometimes people use thought to not participate in life." But I learned to participate fully, each moment to moment not necessarily enjoyable, but I find enjoyable moments each day with my friends, dog, boyfriend, and myself alone with a book or a pen.

Oftentimes as a crisis counselor, I am asked the questions: What's the point? Why am I here? What is there to look forward to? It's hard for me to precisely answer that question because, frankly, no one has anyone answer. But here's an answer that I believe in, born of taking time for ourselves: we live to feel the hope for happiness again. We live for the moments of joy, contentment, relaxation, excitement, pleasure, love, happiness, everything. We live to experience and to find each other. We live on because each new moment brings a surprise. There are many, many good moments in the future for all of us, even amongst the bad.

It's impossible to really experience life, however, if we're unable to take time to ourselves. That's one of my greatest fears, actually, that life will pass me by and I won't be able to experience each day as a full and complete miracle. There's something lost when everyone else gains from commodifying all aspects of our lives. Are you going to keep living for everyone else, or will you learn to exist for yourself? Do you owe the world your entire self, or can you take back at least some of yourself right now? Is it selfish to feel happy and not only to suffer?

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