Now that we're about a month into the new year, I have had a lot of time to think about what I want to come out of 2019. I firmly believe in the idea that a new year is a great opportunity to set goals, maintain your strengths, and most importantly prioritize what is best for you. 2018 was, in fact, the year of my highest highs and my lowest lows, but it has been the year that I have grown and overcome the most and that is why I am forever grateful for it. This year I hope to take more of a backseat and reflect upon what I really want, for once.
I have spent so much of my time wasted on people who could never give me what I wanted. I had such a picture in my head of every perfect scenario that when it didn't turn out as I envisioned, it absolutely crushed me. Whenever my friends didn't post some grandiose paragraph for my birthday or I didn't get invited to the hottest party, I would be devastated. Like you'd laugh at how many times I've cried over the silliest things that will not matter in five years let alone five months from now. I would literally freak out over something as stupid as my plans for Friday night getting wrecked. Literally so dumb. My expectations of people have always been too high, and even when I get let down, for some reason, I am somehow still hopeful that things will turn around.
Too much of my life has been spent trying to please everyone. I am always the first to jump at the chance to make someone smile and go out of my way to make their day better—and this is typically at the cost of my own well-being. Because at the end of the day, this always leaves me feeling alone, yearning for more, because I rarely get back all of the time I have invested in others. I know a lot of the things that have frustrated me over the years seem arbitrary, and yes, the feeling of giving is more important than receiving blah blah blah. But it still never feels good to know that all of the time and effort you put into something wasn't reciprocated like you had hoped it would.
Alright, enough complaining. It's time that I put all of this hurt aside and be my own hero. This year I am determined to just do what makes me happy and stop worrying so much about all the consequences. I don't intend on becoming a heartless bitch and stop caring about other people because the compassion I give toward others is something I believe is one of my best traits. I love the way I put my heart on the line and put my all into everything that I do. However, it's no longer going to be at the cost of me feeling let down or sorry for myself any longer. My happiness has just been simply way too dependent on the happiness of others that I love and care about, and it's time to put an end to that.
Clearly, I am not a master at this or else I would have no reason to share this with you guys. I am determined for this year to be a year where I learn and grow every single day. The past few months I think I have matured in ways that I never thought I could, and I am excited to share this new and improved side of me with the people I love most in this whole world. But I know that there is always still room to grow. I am destined to become a better me and there is nothing that anyone can say or do to change that.
2019 is the year that I lower my expectations.
2019 is the year that I stop worrying about what other people think.
2019 is the year that I start to capitalize on and appreciate the little things.
2019 is the year that I surround myself with people that will lift me up instead of pulling me down.
2019 is the year that I seize every opportunity.
2019 is the year that I put myself first.