It is with a heavy heart that I finally accept the news head-on and try to understand what happened at Sunday night’s Orlando shooting. The massacre that killed at least 50 people and injured 53 others is now known as the worst shooting in United States history.

I will honestly say that I could not bring myself to learn the details about this tragedy from the beginning. I had woken up Sunday to the horrific news of the developing story about the shooting at Pulse nightclub, a gay club in Orlando, Florida. I saw what was being said about gun control, ISIS and homosexuality all around social media, but I could not fully talk about it or read into any specific details yet. I can now explain my hesitance.

I was scared. I am still scared. I am deeply terrified and saddened that everyone at this nightclub at 2 a.m. had to endure one of the most terrifying instances imaginable. I am heartbroken that these people had to hide and run away from an attacker. Innocent people ran away when they were celebrating what is their pride month. I am mortified at the amount of times this has happened and will continue happening in our country. I am disgusted that in this society, we are allowing ourselves to put guns before the lives of people.

People who were my age, people who were proud to be themselves, people who were closeted or were there to support their friends, people who wanted to enjoy their lives, murdered. Hate is too strong a word and too ugly a feeling, but it’s times like these where hate is what is thrown around the most. Hate for the shooter, hate for loose gun laws, hate for the people who supports gays, hate for the ones who don’t, and I ask, isn’t anyone tired by all this hate. Lives were lost. People are gone from this world in a single moment, and most people seem to only focus on blame and hate.

I am angry, I am. But I am also tired.

It was around 3 a.m. on Wednesday, three days after the shooting, when I opened up all the articles I could about the Sunday night massacre. I read from start to finish about what occurred that day. I read all the information the NY Times knew about the story, and I watched a video that made me break down into tears. The video was of a snapchat story taken by Amanda Alvear at the nightclub and by the end of it, you could hear gunshots being fired.

http://www.nytimes.com/video/us/100000004468248/vi...

My words seemingly fail me as I look upon this story. We are still learning facts about the motivation behind this shooting and the continuous developments around this situation, but there are things that can be said.

The shooting was at a gay club. The nightclub was hosting a Latin Music night. A great amount of the lives lost were Latinos. Queer people, mostly queer Latino people were affected the most from this shooting. Being Latina and a part of the LGBTQ community, it is hard to hear this news.

Latinos are often underrepresented as LGBTQ. I know for me at least, being raised in a household where being gay or bisexual was considered the worst thing in the world was not easy. And growing up was hard because for the longest time I felt that I was wrong, and other people were wrong for loving someone of the same sex. It took me a long time to understand that that is not true, and most of what I was feeling was guilt and confusion during this period of time when I didn’t accept myself. And perhaps other Latinos have grown up in a similar environment and were scared or are scared of coming out to their loved ones. That’s why it was difficult to hear of families not understanding why their son or daughter was at a gay nightclub. It’s hard to imagine how these young queer people after so many years of hiding, finally found a place to love themselves and find acceptance from others, only to have that taken away from them.

But finding a place to be yourself comfortably and proudly is all LGBTQ people ask for. Pulse nightclub was that place for a lot of people. It was a place where young adults could explore themselves and be open for the first time. Pulse was a place of new beginnings with unforgettable fun and fantasy for all. A lot of Latinos and non-latinos probably felt that on Sunday.

June is the month of gay pride and a month where many closeted people find their voice in the community. A voice that resonates with the millions of others who accept and understand one another. So I implore you to not give up on June. Do not give up on this year yet, there is still room to celebrate and change how things are. If you are able to help in any way, I encourage you to look into different websites and information that will help the victims of the Orlando shooting. Whether that be researching gun control laws and contacting local representatives in your state about it, donating to the families of the victims, or even sending tweets about the violence that partook on Sunday, anything that will get your voice heard is enough to make a difference.

I just want to say that everyone has the right to be themselves even in the hardest times when it seems impossible. You are loved and important no matter what anyone says or does to make you think otherwise. The LGBTQ community is there and people are waiting for you with open arms to give you love and support. Everyone is valid and necessary and people everywhere should still celebrate and enjoy who they are. We are a community that sticks together, and in these dark times, the love we share for our people is what shines the brightest.

The list of the 49 victims who lost their lives on Sunday. May you find peace in a kinder world.

Stanley Almodovar III, 23 years old

Amanda Alvear, 25 years old

Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26 years old

Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33 years old

Antonio Davon Brown, 29 years old

Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 years old

Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28 years old

Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25 years old

Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old

Cory James Connell, 21 years old

Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 years old

Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 years old

Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31 years old

Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 years old

Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26 years old

Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22 years old

Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 years old

Paul Terrell Henry, 41 years old

Frank Hernandez, 27 years old

Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old

Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40 years old

Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old

Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 years old

Anthony Luis Laureanodisla, 25 years old

Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 years old

Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 years old

Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49 years old

Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25 years old

Kimberly Morris, 37 years old

Akyra Monet Murray, 18 years old

Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20 years old

Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, 25 years old

Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 years old

Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old

Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 years old

Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old

Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27 years old

Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35 years old

Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 years old

Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24 years old

Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34 years old

Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old

Martin Benitez Torres, 33 years old

Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24 years old

Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37 years old

Luis S. Vielma, 22 years old

Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50 years old

Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 years old