Why do we let good things go? Why do we not speak up for love, even when it’s hard?
Gabrielle Aplin, one of my favorite singer/songwriters, released a song called “Panic Cord” which totally relates to this topic. Why do we pull the panic cords on good situations in life? If life is a journey that’s all about taking risks, how come it’s so hard to do those little things it takes to get to the better parts of the journey?
While there’s no single answer to all of these questions, I do know that the things I most cherish wouldn’t be in my life if I hadn’t taken risks. I often imagine how different life might be if I had taken even more risks. I try not to dwell on it, but sometimes it’s good to reflect on how we could do better next time.
For example, I’m not good at feelings. They’re hard to manage, unpredictable, and totally out of my control. Growing up, I didn’t even talk to people that much because I was worried that it could reflect negatively on me if I said one thing wrong. On the other hand, I did well in school because it was completely in my control. I was addicted to the feeling of being right. And so I kept on and kept on, until I felt numb.
This went on into high school, when not following feelings turned into missing chances at love. One instance I remember clearly happened in ninth grade, when the boy I liked sat next to me and I lied and said my friend was sitting there because of how freaked out I felt. There’s a ton of stuff I’ve missed out on because of how comfortable my comfort zone is. But so many people get trapped inside their comfort zones. And then we wake up one day and think, “Oh shit, look at all I missed.”
The startling truth is this: we pull the panic cord because we often only think about the worst case scenario. We think about all the ways a situation could go wrong and forget to think about the good things that could happen.
There are so many opportunities that I wish I would have taken. I have shed so many tears, not about the mistakes I’ve made, but because of things I never did. The one time I told someone I had feelings for him, it didn’t work out. But I got over it quickly, whereas the times I didn’t tell people how much they mean to me haunt me daily. Some things just aren’t meant to be: most people accept that. But what we’ll never accept is not having closure on the question: “What if it was meant to be?”
Some of my best memories in college involve 2 a.m. conversations and tears and ice cream consumption with my friends, when I wasn’t thinking about having to be anything but myself. Times where I’ve been bold, have been so much more rewarding than those when I’ve held back. So I would encourage everyone to do the same. If we stop the train because of fear, we’ll never know where it could have taken us. And I don’t know about you, but I’m riding until the very last stop.
