“They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” – Andy Warhol
After a thorough evaluation of the mishaps and mistakes of 2016, I’ve realized that the root of all my problems boils down to one personality flaw: passivity. I’ve always been a passive person, not only in my education and professional matters but in my personal life and conflicts as well. I usually take the route of second-hand ambition when it comes to educational matters. I aim for the B’s, I avoid responsibility in organizations and ignore the looming prospect of life after college. In personal matters, I rarely ever argue with people because I am inexplicably afraid of confrontation.
In terms of just getting by, the passive approach has been rather successful up until now. But in terms of a fulfilling career, a life worth living and people worth living it with, passivity has got to go.
In regard to friendships, I hardly ever argue with people. Confrontation has always been my weak spot. I’m scared to confront people because I fear that I may come across as unpleasant, which would push them away. However, if I continue to live a life presumably unscathed but inwardly hurt, then the essential nature of my relationships is fraudulence. Fraudulence is not what I intend, but it is what I resort to. In 2017, I want to be real. I no longer want to hold in any emotions. I love being able to feel, to live in the now and be brutally honest with who I am and what I stand for.
I am constantly worried, “If I say this, will that person still like me?” But lately my answer is: “Who cares?” If this person doesn’t like me after said fact, they probably never did. This is not to say, go out and live life belligerently. It just means, don’t be afraid to confront the problems in your relationships. Don’t be afraid to call people out, in a loving way, and to speak your mind with validity. Most people need to hear it!
When it comes to education and professional matters, the green monster behind my passivity is fear. For example, I didn’t apply for the position on an executive board because I’m not qualified enough and there is someone much better than me for the job. I didn’t pursue my love for writing because I told myself that I’m the only one who thinks my writing is good. But here’s the thing: there is always someone who is going to be more qualified and there will always be a person who won’t think my writing is good. The weakness here isn’t in lack of qualifications; the weakness is in lack of trying.
I heard a quote from J.K. Rowling that said, “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well have not lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” Before last semester, I was good at everything because I didn’t try anything else. But last semester, I tried some stuff, and I failed. But I got back up. I tried some other stuff. Much to my surprise, I succeeded! I stepped outside of my comfort zone. And after tasting a bit of what failure feels like, I realized its not so bad. I realized that what’s worse is wishing you had at least tried.
So this is all to say, don’t be passive in 2017, grab 2017 by the reins and ride off into your destiny! The unknown may be scary but it is also exciting. And I’ll tell you this much, it’s much better than the alternative.
