Public service has always been so cut and dry to me. It’s something politicians do to get a good reputation. It’s something cops and firefighters choose to spend their careers doing. Its things kids and college student who need volunteer hours get roped into. It’s something big corporations try to do for good publicity. And something most adults avoid like the plague, citing work and families as their excuses. But saying what it is, or well was, to me is completely different from how it feels. So what does public service feel like?

It feels like the smiles from my fellow volunteers at the soup kitchen. From the moment I started volunteering there in October, I was one of them. Age, gender, and race have no place here and I was surrounded by people from all walks of life. Public service feels like biomedical grad student Rocel’s disbelieving stares as I try to convince her Jessica Jones is better than Daredevil; like retiree Claire’s hand on my shoulder as she persuades me to try her pecan pie recipe; like the head cook Debbie scolding me when I let people hustle me into giving them extra apples; like my fellow diner lover Marisa’s sighs of mutual disappointment when we both get assigned busing and we spend it making faces at each other across the room. And it feels pretty good.

This is only skimming the surface. We feed thousands of people 5 days a week, but what a lot of people forget is that those people are mostly the same ones who’ve been coming here for years. We have seasoned regulars who walk in like they own the place, coming in with hi-5’s for the coordinators and a conversation for anyone willing to lend an ear. Their stories range from obviously fictional accounts of their lives to ones told so self-deprecatingly that you know they can be nothing but the truth. And then I’m left with a more visceral feeling in my gut. In these cases, public service feels a lot like sympathy for their situation, empathy for their determination to keep trying to make a better life when the deck is stacked against me. There’s Chris who always has a smile for me and calls me Jessie. And Leroy who believes that I’m going to change the world, even when I stopped believing that years ago. So sometimes, public service feels like fear as I watch some people walk out after a meal and wonder if I’ll they’ll ever be able to come back.

On the flipside, not all the regulars are so nice. We live in New York City, after all, and I think our reputation proceeds us. People can be pretty mean, and us volunteers have to handle it with tact and poise. My bad temper is surprisingly kept in check in these situations because I realized early on that their meanness was not personal. They don’t hate me, not at all. In fact, some of them actually forget to scowl if I smile big enough at them. I’ve made it a bit of a personal challenge to try and get them to smile and say hi back to me. So in this case, public service feels like determination to cheer someone up; it feels like pride and elation when I succeed. They’re burdened by things I will probably never understand, so I think they deserve for me to cut them some slack. It’s not always easy for a hothead like me. Because sometimes public service feels like cold juice slopping down my apron from where someone threw it back at me; like bananas chucked at me because apples are preferred; like their disapproving glares when I’m not fast enough in handing them something or cleaning up a spill.

But that doesn’t mean I stop. Because public service doesn’t always feel great to do. It isn’t always easy to do. Responsibilities are rarely ever that black and white. And that’s really what public service feels like, right? A responsibility. It is our job to help those less fortunate than us because who else will help them? We’re all part of the same society and this society cannot progress unless all of us elevate it. And sometimes that means helping elevate others so that they can join us in a better world. I love all the feelings that public service causes, both the positive and the negative, because they make me remember that while I alone may not be able to change the world, all of us working together definitely can.

So kudos to all my fellow volunteers and anyone else who keeps devoting their time and love to serving the people of our great city. We wouldn't be functioning without you! And for anyone looking to lend, be sure to check out your local volunteering options!