Over the past year I have allowed my hair to grow out long. Now it is down to my shoulders and I love it. It’s so much fun to try new things with it that I’m not able to do with short hair. Yet for some reason it has made people look at and treat me differently. That is to say, I’ve been treated like a woman. People seem to have this subconscious image that if someone has long hair they are female. Last time I checked gender was identified by the person, not their hair. Genitalia doesn’t even define gender so why does my hair make me a woman?

Let’s be clear, I was born a male and I identify as a male. I think that gender roles are dumb and truthfully don’t think I really fit neatly into the “normal” binary-gender standard, but still I identify as a male so you should address me as a male. That means you use the appropriate male pronouns with me. If you cannot tell what gender I identify as then don’t use pronouns at all. Just address me directly or even have the decency to ask. I promise I won't be offended. It’s also way less awkward than correcting yourself once you realize I am male.

So besides just being called a woman there are many other things I have noticed and have become quite uncomfortable with. My long hair apparently makes me appealing to straight men despite my body looking nothing like a woman’s. I have caught so many straight men checking me out and mentally undressing me until they finally realize that I’m a man. The reactions, I do admit, are priceless. By far the worst place that this happens is at the gym. Older men staring at me for extended periods of time while I work out. I am sweaty and gross as most people are while working out and these men are sexualizing me. And once they begin to question if I am a man they stare even longer trying to figure it out making me more uncomfortable. It’s hard for me to actually build up the effort to go to the gym and do what I need to to get in better shape because I’m tired of these people watching me workout.

There is also the struggle of bathrooms. Ever since transgendered people have been given more visibility in the media people have been freaking out. Spoiler alert: they’ve been using their appropriate gender bathrooms for years and you never knew because it’s not important for you to know who is pooping in the stall next to you. Since all this noise has been made over the topic and all these laws have been passed, people have become absolutely paranoid over who is using the bathroom. And since I’m a woman in the eyes of ignorant people, men have tried skipping me in line for the mens room because apparently I’m just a woman willingly standing by a room where men urinate. Men have also asked if they were in the wrong bathroom because I was in there. The wall of urinals should be a dead giveaway that you are in a men’s restroom. I was stopped at my great-grandfather’s funeral because a man thought I was about to go into the wrong restroom. All of this because I have long hair.

I do not have very feminine facial features. My voice sounds pretty effeminate but my personality is fairly balanced between femininity and masculinity. My hair shouldn’t even be considered as a feminine feature. Many men have long hair. You can’t even look out a window in Nashville without seeing a man bun. It isn’t uncommon yet people have this ridiculous standard that they use to divide the female and male gender. I do not mind the occasional waiter/waitress calling me “ma’am.” I don’t find being called a woman offensive, there are much worse things to be called. I do, however, mind being seen as a sexual object, being judged for using the bathroom, and being an object of speculation for people who would rather hold on to their ignorance than open their minds. I’m tired of the silent judgement.

This has also opened me up to some of the troubles of actually being a woman in today’s society. I know though that I haven’t even had a true taste as to what women go through and that is what is most concerning. To the straight men who have looked at me as an object of sexual appeal due to my long hair, congratulations, you think this gay guy is worthy of getting in bed with you. I can feel your fragile masculine egos deteriorating under that fact.

All of this clearly points out our societies tendencies to normalize genders. Honestly, there is no “normal” anymore, if there ever was. Our world has expanded greatly and keeps expanding on the de-normalization of gender/gender roles, sexuality, and race. There is no dominant anything in these categories and the sooner we start embracing this kind of neutral equality the easier our lives will be. So please do not assume that long hair makes the person female, or that short hair makes a person male. The last thing we need is our hair being the reason we can’t use public restrooms. “Yes, Governor McCrory, I do have the regulated haircut to go with my birth certificated gender.”