It didn't work out, but just because I walked away doesn't mean I just gave up.
Back in grade school when I first started singing I knew that music would always be a big part of my life, and for the longest time it was the most important thing in my life. But as time past and I got older and I really started learning about other things I could be doing with my life, and while music is still a big part of who I am it's just not the most important thing to me anymore.
In grade school I knew I was going to grow up to sing and do nothing else, then when middle school came around I learned to play the saxophone I decided to add that to what I wanted to do with my life. And at the time I thought maybe I would be a performer and travel around the world playing my sax and singing for tons of people, but then high school began and I was forced to decide what I wanted to do.
Freshman year; I became more involved with band life and with playing my instrument. I still sang of course, but my life became more about playing the sax than singing. Sophomore year; band became my life, if I tried to make any kinds of outside plans I had to make sure I had no band conflicts of any kind. Junior year; I began to miss singing everyday, even though I would sing on my own I still missed singing in a choir. So before that school year ended I made sure I was able to continue being in the band and to start singing again.
Senior year; I started singing with my schools women's choir while still playing in the band. Being able to do both things that I truly enjoy and love was the best, and that is when I knew what I wanted to do with my life. And so I began my journey to what I thought would be the rest of my life.
I had already applied to schools and picked what I thought was the perfect match for what I wanted to do. And while I was happy pursuing my dreams at that school, something inside me was changing and making me begin to question if this was what I really wanted. And so, because I thought that maybe it was just that my connection with the school itself was changing, I decided to try a different school and see if anything got/felt better.
It felt as if everything was changing for the better at first, but as time went on I once again begin to feel like this wasn't what I truly wanted to do anymore. The feeling of not wanting to sing either one my own, in my car with the radio, or even in choir was only a small part of what I felt. I didn't even want to pick up my saxophone or even look at a piece of music anymore, I felt stressed even just listening to someone talking about a piece of music we would be singing or playing for a performance.
And so I began the search for something else, thankfully I had made a great friend at my second school who shared a passion for cosmetology even if we originally thought it was more just a hobby. She suffered from the same issues I was suffering with at the time, she didn't even like going near the music building anymore because the fire just wasn't there anymore.
She and I got very close and when we realized that we could intermingle our hobbies and really make a career out of them, we said why the hell not. And so she and I are now pursuing cosmetology certifications, but while we are happy about our decision there are of course others who see what we're doing as quitting.
Just because I have chosen to take a new road in my life and try something that I for sure know I'm good at and I have always enjoyed doing, that doesn't mean I'm quitting music forever. Some see what I'm doing as just quitting school and possibly destroying my life, but I now tell them that I would rather be doing something I know I'm always going to be happy doing.
While music has always made me happy, I think there's always been a small part of me that knew I wasn't going to always want to pursue a music career. But to those that only see what I'm doing as quitting my "dream" and only going with a "sure-thing", here's a newsflash for you... I never really knew what I would do with the rest of my life, and I don't think I ever really will.
But at least I will be doing something that always brings me piece and helps me bring out my creative side. And so in my eyes I'm not quitting, I'm just choosing to do something different with my life.
