Seriously, I had a physical type in my head for such a long time in my life. It came from two of my favorite shows - one a movie, the other a t.v. show (Back to the Future and The Flash).
Looking back, I know I only had this type because I had a crush on the fictional characters in the shows. (shoulder shrug)
The type was white, with brunette hair that kind of was swooped to the side. Smart, good humor, had a leader-vibe, and always stood up for the good guys - AND WAS A GOOD GUY HIMSELF.
Of course, in high school and in early college, I also had a list of virtues and Catholic things that were on my mind.
But man oh man, I did have a certain look I was going for, too.
And that isn't wise.
This post is mainly for my girls - my friends who are single and not dating. Or maybe even the girls who ARE dating, and maybe should have picked someone else.
Below is my long-list of virtues I want in my future husband - things that will long outlast any perfect things his body might have that might all go away with a car crash, cancer, or some other unforeseen accident.
Kind, especially in situations or times when he doesn't want to be.
Patient. Courageous. Smart and Wise. Humble and Meek. Hard-working and a person that people want to follow. Smart with his money.
Joyful. Compassionate and intentional with his friends, family, and anyone else who needs his help. Helpful. Creative. Strong. Manly. Involved with his church. Consistent worshipper of God. Knows Our Lord personally and is Obedient to Him. Adventurous.
Not proud, not prone to anger, and doesn't need prompting to do the right things (like the chores, apologize first, talk to me about a way I'm falling short in virtue). Not attached to material things or has an un-healthy craving or addiction of any kind.
What I mean by that is I pray he isn't addicted to things that destroy his body, mind, soul, or his relationships with other people. Is he too clingy? Is he too attached to ideas of success the world tries to feed us? Does he run away from self-evaluation? Is he addicted to porn, alcohol, drugs, or something else and is NOT doing everything in his power to fix it? (I'd prefer someone who fixed it and was steady in better habits before we started dating)
Trustworthy with secrets.
Romantic. Fun. Good with kids and has the skills and knowledge to lead our family closer to Christ and closer in love with each other.
I pray he doesn't run away from problems, but faces them bravely. I pray he accepts help when he needs it. Heck, I pray he asks for help when he needs it.
I pray he knows what sin is and has a lifestyle that helps him avoid occasions of sin at all costs. I pray that he helps people understand the power of God's grace and how strong God's love is for everyone. I pray that he does judge sin as bad, and in the right circumstances, he lets people in sin's clutches know what's going on is bad. I pray he does this with all gentleness and reverence for the dignity of the other person.
Doesn't complain often, and when he does, only about the really important things.
Sacrifices for others.
There's a longer list somewhere in my diary notes and pages, but this covers a lot of the virtues I desire in a future husband. Honestly, I desire these virtues in myself!
Physical attraction is important, but that shouldn't be the basis of your prayers for your future spouse. It shouldn't be the thing that eliminates a wonderfully holy man from a date with you. I also have to say, nobody is going to completely fulfill all my hopes and dreams on my virtue list - we are sinners in a lifelong process of soul-progress.
But, as Jason Evert says, I'm keeping my standards high as heaven because I want the best for myself and my future kids.
BUT I ALSO PRAY FOR HUMAN COMPATIBILITY THINGS, TOO!
A relationship that isn't fully balanced with human and soul compatibility things is probably going to fail.
I pray he likes movies, music, reading good books and analyzing them with me. I pray he likes hosting parties and game nights with me at our home.
I pray he likes taking walks with me, playing cards, eating healthy and good food, and having spontaneous adventures every now and then.
I pray he knows how to handle his temper. I pray he has good conflict resolution skills.
I pray he is well-traveled and wants to travel with me every so often. I pray he likes musicals and has a good singing voice. I pray he is flexible with God's plan for his life - and that I trust my husband's vision for his future career and life - because he'll be in charge of our family. I pray my future husband will listen and help me grow my own dreams and plans.
I pray he's not a racist.
I pray he doesn't like watching violent movies.
Again, the list is longer and more complete somewhere in my diaries... but I firmly believe the internet shouldn't know everything about me.
I leave you, my friends, with this message. I pray it helped you in whatever way it needed to.
Pray for a man to have virtue. Pray for someone to be humble enough to take care of you whenever you get sick. Pray for someone to like you if all your good looks fail, you're not fertile, you lose your smarts and have a speech impediment problem due to a stroke... you get what I'm saying. Pray for a virtuous man. Be the virtuous woman that a man like that deserves. Match what you pray for. And don't over-spiritualize your search for Mr. Right For You.