Living life vicariously through my writing used to be something I enjoyed immensely. As a child, I obsessed over books like Harry Potter and Nancy Drew. I wanted nothing more than to be those characters. I began to write my own novels where I would transform myself from the Luna Lovegoods of stories into the Harry Potters. I wanted to be a “somebody.”
However, as years passed, I lost sight of myself in the wrong ways by allowing myself to be consumed by the ideal standards of what society wanted me to be. I fixated too much on how I was perceived by others and maintaining a high profile on social media while losing sight of my true passions. I struggled with self-confidence as I was not happy with my self-image. I lost sight of myself in the wrong ways by allowing society to mold me into what I was “supposed” to be. These unattainable standards were crippling and stirred up a sea of emotions. I needed a source to relieve me of this weight I could no longer carry on my own.
This led me to write a series of journals. The scripture of my emotions led me to remember the empowerment that writing once gave me. I wrote about the times I was happy and the memories of my childhood. I wrote of the memories I repressed because they were too hard to express vocally. I wrote of my house fire and the death of my loved ones. It was liberating. Through my writing I found my own voice and realized I didn’t need to be Harry Potter or Nancy Drew to be a “somebody.” My experiences and my failures helped me become who I am today and made me truly embrace my individuality.
My writing is the best way I know how to expose myself. Whether it takes all day or weeks to finish, my writing allows me to put off all of my troubles and to create a sense of tranquility. It is not simply done for the sake of entertainment but rather for developing myself and expressing my emotions. When certain feelings of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, or lack of fulfillment surface I use writing to manage these feelings. My writing keeps me in check with myself and enables me to slow down and focus on creation and innovation during times of distress and hardship. It makes me feel accomplished and well-established. If anything, writing is rewarding.
