Porcelain Doll

Did you think that I was nothing

but an object

with a return policy?

Did you think that when

you were done using me

like one of your dolls,

I would be able to erase

the imprint

of your hands

all over my skin?

Did you think that I was a house

you could walk in

whenever you wanted to

and stomp on the floors?

Did you think that I was a rock?

Incapable of putting any

intelligence to use,

because I didn’t have it.

I wouldn’t put two and two together

And I wouldn't say the words to myself

“He’s using me.”

If you thought that I was an object,

you must’ve not thought

how my face and my body

made of porcelain or china

would begin to crack--

until there is nothing left

but dust.

If you thought that I was a house,

you must’ve not checked

the foundation

because now it's come crumbling down,

and you are standing

on the ruins.

If you thought that I was a rock,

you must’ve known

how much you could

Hit me,

Slam me,

Break me,

and I wouldn’t even falter.

I am used to it.

I didn’t say those words because

I wanted to believe-

that I wasn’t just a doll

you would break for the fun of it,

but would put on your shelf

like I meant something.

I wanted to believe-

that I wasn’t just a house

that’s now demolished

and abandoned,

but one you would decorate with care

and live in forever.

I wanted to believe-

that I wasn’t just a rock

but a pretty stone

you collected.

and you got rid of all

the rocks you had beforehand.

I wanted to believe

all of those things.

But mostly,

I wanted to believe

in you.