Did you think that I was nothing
but an object
with a return policy?
Did you think that when
you were done using me
like one of your dolls,
I would be able to erase
the imprint
of your hands
all over my skin?
Did you think that I was a house
you could walk in
whenever you wanted to
and stomp on the floors?
Did you think that I was a rock?
Incapable of putting any
intelligence to use,
because I didn’t have it.
I wouldn’t put two and two together
And I wouldn't say the words to myself
“He’s using me.”
If you thought that I was an object,
you must’ve not thought
how my face and my body
made of porcelain or china
would begin to crack--
until there is nothing left
but dust.
If you thought that I was a house,
you must’ve not checked
the foundation
because now it's come crumbling down,
and you are standing
on the ruins.
If you thought that I was a rock,
you must’ve known
how much you could
Hit me,
Slam me,
Break me,
and I wouldn’t even falter.
I am used to it.
I didn’t say those words because
I wanted to believe-
that I wasn’t just a doll
you would break for the fun of it,
but would put on your shelf
like I meant something.
I wanted to believe-
that I wasn’t just a house
that’s now demolished
and abandoned,
but one you would decorate with care
and live in forever.
I wanted to believe-
that I wasn’t just a rock
but a pretty stone
you collected.
and you got rid of all
the rocks you had beforehand.
I wanted to believe
all of those things.
But mostly,
I wanted to believe
in you.
