A few weeks ago, I wrote an article titles 4 Times Royals Made Some Questionable Choices, and it was a bigger hit than I could have ever imagined! So to continue on with this historical series, I present to you 4 Times Popes Made Some Questionable Choices.
1. John XII
So there's probably a reason that most Popes are old men, and it's most likely because of this guy right here. John XII became Pope in 955 A.D. when he was a scant 18 years old! The prime example of a spoiled rich boy, his family connections and daddy's money bought him the papacy at such a young age.
In a time when most people didn't live to be 30, you'd think that an 18-years-old would have been fairly responsible, but John was not so. In his nine years as Pope, he racked up a long list of offensive pastimes including turning a Papal palace into a brothel, blinding his confessor, castrating and killing his cardinals, and raping most of the women invited to the Vatican. Now, if you were thinking that one the Pope's job requirements are to be celibate, you'd be right! But he's probably not supposed to kill people either...
But it turned out pretty well in the end. After nine years, they were able to get rid of him when a jealous husband of a woman John was having an affair with strangled him. Not the holiest of endings for a man of God.
2. Paul III
Paul III might seem like a surprising choice for this list. Most people more than likely remember him from history class as the Pope who challenged Henry VIII or the Pope who condemned slavery, and obviously, that was a good thing. His stance against slavery might be one of the few good points about this Pope that took over in 1534, though.
Unlike John XII, Paul didn't use daddy's money to buy the Papacy. He just poisoned his family members in order to inherit their money, so he could use his own money to take the office. But he didn't kill all of his family members, just the ones who got in his way. The rest he installed in high political offices both in and out of the church with the help of his Papal influence. Or in the case of his daughter, instead of a political office, Paul took her as a lover.
He was also an infamously reckless and corrupt man (if killing his family for inheritance didn't tell you that). When a dispute between a bishop and a few cardinals took too long, he had them killed. He also took control of the majority of Rome's prostitutes and took a cut of their earnings, making Paul III a pimp in deed if not name.
3. Alexander VI
Another man who bought his way into becoming Pope (there might be a trend here!), Alexander not only bought his way to the Papacy in 1492 but once he was there, he proceeded to sell it off bit by bit in the form of favors and offices!
Also, yet another Pope that did not care about celibacy, Alexander openly paraded his mistresses and children to all of Rome and used them in his schemes to acquire more wealth and power. The most famous example of this involves his daughter Lucrezia. Alexander would marry her off to the most wealthy man he could find, take the dowry offered, leave the married couple alone for a while, and when a richer man came along, Alexander would annul the marriage as Pope and repeat the cycle over and over again.
Eventually, Alexander made a few too many enemies and was killed in 1503 with a poison that was said to make him bleed out of every orifice and cause his skin peel.
4. Stephen VI
Yet again, another Pope that bought his way into the office, though he was sponsored rather than using the family money. Stephen's short reign that lasted from 896-897 is dominated by a bizarre incident involving the body of a previous Pope.
In his ultimate holy wisdom, Stephen decided to dig up the body of one of his predecessors, Pope Formosus, and put the corpse on trial. A deacon in the church was put in charge of speaking for the dead body while it was questioned on all manner charges. Stephen found the body guilty of all charges and had it stripped of its sacred vestments, three of its fingers, and thrown into the Tiber river.
Stephen didn't last too long after desecrating the body of Pope Formosus. He was strangled by his enemies who probably didn't care for him treating the holiest of offices as a demented cadaver theater.
