Sexuality is a spectrum.
Life exists in many different shades, but because we are human, we love to place everything in convenient, easy-to-understand pairs. Such has been done with homosexual and heterosexual. Your either gay or straight, right? But this doesn’t account for the intermediate people in between, so really sexuality is more of a scale, or spectrum, if you will.
More recently, bisexuals have been recognized by society as the middle position between the homosexual and heterosexual. Simple enough, but often forgotten about the bisexual is that their sexual attraction for both genders is on a scale. Think of bisexuality as the color purple. There are many different shades, some more blue than others, some more red, but all of them are some type of purple. Most bisexuals acknowledge that there is a gender binary system (only two genders that exist) in place that only recognizes male and female.
However, there are individuals who can identify as more than one gender or even say that they don’t recognize the binary construct of gender at all. The people who identify with this category can be recognized as the third gender, which separates itself from the social construct of only male and only female. The hijras of India and the fa’afafine in Samoan culture are both communities that give recognition to the existence of a third sex. In fact, before the British colonization of India, the hijras were “both revered and feared as powerful entities who lived between the sexes” and often were believed to bring good fortune. The third gender doesn’t include sexual or romantic attraction and shouldn’t been confused with transgender, though they overlap in many ways.
There are many other in-between categories such as polysexual, multisexual, omnisexual, and demisexual. By this point, you’re probably thinking, “Wait, aren’t those all the same thing?,” but good reader, they are not! The little differences between these sexualities help to distinguish a person’s identity and as a whole help them to understand themselves. Understanding these differences empowers the community.
I had a difficult time understanding how multisexuals and polysexuals were any different from each other. On paper they sound like the same thing: attracted to multiple people outside of their own gender. However, multisexual is a very broad, blanket term that is typically used to cover all queer people who identify with wanting a romantic or sexual relationship with someone outside their gender. People who fall into this category don’t base their relationships on genders, but rather by the individual they wish to be in a relationship with. Simply, they do not recognize gender identity as a blockade for whom they wish to love or have sex with.
Meanwhile polysexuals, while falling under the same category as multisexual, are a bit more specific in their attraction. A polysexual can be attracted to most genders, but not all genders as it is with pansexuals. A polysexual can find themselves attracted someone with more feminine or masculine qualities regardless of that individual’s gender identity. For example, a poly-person might find themselves attracted to transpeople, men, and women that exhibit androgynous qualities but not be attracted to non-binary people.
Now our other identities, omnisexual and demisexual, are vastly different from each other. Both can be covered by the multisexual umbrella, but omnisexuals are similar to pansexuals in the sense that they are attracted to all genders. However, they are a bit different from pans. Pansexuals will typically say that they are “blind” to social gender distinction, where as omnis openly recognize that there can be many different types of gender identities (about 56) and find themselves attracted to all of them. The terms are often used interchangeably, since their stems “pan” and “omni” mean “all” in Greek and Latin respectively.
Demisexual is a term I’ve only heard in passing and thought it might have some abstract connotations to Greek mythology. In reality, demisexuals are individuals who don’t “experience sexual attraction unless they have formed a strong emotional connection with another individual.” Most of the population feels sexual attraction pretty consistently, and even more in the presence of someone we might be crushing on. But imagine not feeling that sort of attraction unless you intimately knew that person for years. An emotional bond with that person fuels passion and desire that can’t be felt with strangers. So demisexuals fall into the overlapping realm of multi-sexuality and asexuality (lack of sexual attraction to anyone), where they may come to love any gender identity as long as their relationship with them is strong.
It is up to the individual to identify themselves, not society.
I have a confession to make: before doing research for this article, I didn’t know any of these terms. In fact, I still don’t know half of the queer terms that are used. However, because these terms empower and recognize the validity of those who use them, I believe it is super important as a heteronormative society that we try to become more inclusive of everyone. Although “gay” or “queer” are usually used as overarching terms for individuals who identify with “not straight," the queer community should not be restricted or pigeonholed into an identity they don't completely fit.
