Usually, if I don't like something, I'll just disassociate myself from it. I'll refuse to think about it, and I'll try to think about it and interact with it as little as possible. Unfortunately, this isn't the case for the Polar Express. You see, even though from a very young age I was never a big fan of this movie, I was never able to free myself from it until I went to middle school. Back in elementary school, we had this yearly tradition of watching holiday/Christmas-themed movies on the television. While I don't particularly remember whether we had a vote in the movie shown or not, the movie that always reared its ugly head was "The Polar Express."

The Polar Express is actually not the most horrid movie I've ever seen. In fact, I actually quite like the idea behind the story. The plot revolves around a group of children all aboard a train that's destined for the North Pole. Along the way, they face different challenges and obstacles, such as misplacing their tickets and having to head through dangerous environments. Like other holiday specials, the plot is very straightforward and easy to follow, which is important when you're trying to keep a school full of eight-year-olds from bouncing around the classroom.

I actually think the scenery is quite beautiful in this movie, and particularly so for a CGI movie made in 2004. The promotional artwork is amazing, and the movie actually does manage to recreate the beautiful images described in the book. I find the train itself quite magnificent (especially its grandeur from the outside), and I also really enjoyed getting to see the North Pole. I like that this movie's design of the North Pole bends toward the nontraditional, as it is far more urbanized. (It honestly makes more sense - how would Santa's elves "paint" or "make" electronics via traditional craftsmanship, such as that seen in "Rudolph"?) I think aesthetically, the movie is quite beautiful, and I really like it in that regard.

Unfortunately for this movie, this is where my praise ends. A movie can be beautiful aesthetically and have a solid plot, but if it doesn't have memorable characters, it is all for naught (how else will we push the merchandise?). I think that strong, memorable, and dynamic characters are some of the most important aspects of any movie. It's why Disney movies tend to do so well, as they have incredible characters along with impeccable storytelling. Although I hate to say it, it's also why Despicable Me did so well, despite being a non-Disney movie.

This is not the case for the Polar Express. Thanks to the technology of early CGI animating, movements for characters look real, but their facial expressions do not. As a result of human facial recognition methods, these characters seem lifeless, robotic and dull, all characteristics that you don't want to have in something that's supposed to be entertaining. This, combined with some awful character choices, serve to make the Polar Express an abomination of a Christmas or holiday movie.

Remember that teacher that would mark you absent if you came in one minute late after the bell? This is him.

While I'm not a fan of the conductor, he's probably the most tolerable of the bunch. For those of you who know of the Myers-Briggs test, this guy is the living definition of an ISTJ. For those who don't understand the lingo, the conductor is a character that has the utmost faith in the rules. He's very dedicated to his schedule, and he's very devoted to being on time and completing his job in a prompt fashion. This dedication is admirable, yet it plays against him since the protagonist of this movie is actually a young boy.

The conductor shows a complete lack of sympathy and empathy throughout the movie. He actually seems like the antagonist at some points, particularly when he's punching the childrens' tickets, yet Hero Girl has lost hers. While this wouldn't normally be a problem, this reputation sticks with him throughout the film. He comes off as very impatient and he doesn't seem to care much about the welfare of others. You would think that as a conductor in charge of these children that he would be a bit more forgiving and more of a fatherly figure, but apparently in this role, Tom Hanks just doesn't give a damn.

Pictured: FNAF before it was mainstream

I don't think I've ever seen something more unnecessarily creepy in a Christmas movie, aside from perhaps the sequel to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." Why did they even include this? The puppet of Ebenezer just seems like an unnecessarily creepy cameo that was just thrown into the movie at the last minute. I had honestly forgotten about this puppet until I searched up a list of all of the Polar Express characters. It's just so irrelevant to the plot of the movie that I really see no sense in why they kept it. Unfortunately, Tom Hanks was given this role that was doomed to failure, in addition to the former. It's really sad, considering that so much talent was wasted.

Cue the jumpscare.

This kid. How do I even begin to describe how much I despise this sorry excuse for a character? On the surface, he's a whinier, nerdier, and even more ear-grating version of Sheldon Cooper. This little spawn of Satan looks dead inside, yet glares at both the viewer and Hero Boy, making every attempt to make them feel uncomfortable. And just when something interesting in the movie happens, who better to spoil the mood than "Know-It-All." Yes, that's literally his name. No, I'm not bluffing; Polar Express has some extremely uncreative names.

What were they thinking when they designed this character? I know they wanted to have a foil to the "Goody-Two-Shoes" nature of Hero Boy, but did it ever cross the director's mind to perhaps have an edgier, or at least more tolerable, character in place of "Know-It-All?" I'm insulted that they thought a character like this could potentially be likable to an audience! He exists only to spoil the mood, and interrupt the plot with pointless, gibberish nonsense that even this self-proclaimed nerd doesn't care about. He serves no other function than to get on every viewer's last nerve, and make an otherwise tolerable movie into an unbearable nightmare.

If you think I'm exaggerating, see for yourself. If you make it to the end of the video without smashing your computer, I commend you.

In all fairness, I'd love to see a remake of this movie. I think that if done with modern equipment, it could turn out to be something really great! Sure, the bad animation and poor character choices might be a reflection of the era (2004 was when animation started to go downhill), but I really think that this movie has potential in a remake! Perhaps at this point, our only hope is to believe that the writers and directors realize their mistakes, and hopefully make another attempt at this movie in the future.