Ever since I was very little I was taught to be a nice, Catholic girl who is going to marry a nice, religious man and have a lovely family. I attended church regularly and prayed like my life depended on it. I had Pioneer Girls (religious girl scouts) as a big part of my life and that is the main reason how Clarice and I became so close. I am going to say this: I do not regret any of those things, they all had great parts to them.

However, as I grew older, things changed. They changed a lot.

At the age of sixteen, I was going through some massive mental hardships such as depression, anxiety, and almost daily suicidal ideation. Continuing with that, my sexuality was giving me a lot of issues and I did not know what to think. Do you want to know why I was so scared of identifying as something other than straight? Because I was scared you were never going to accept me since it would be a direct abomination against the old testament. Fortunately, you were very loving and that is greatly appreciated.

Now, here comes the part I have been avoiding.

Before I say any of this, I want you to know that I did not become this way just to spite you. I did not do this to make the family mad. I did not choose this to just avoid going to church on those sacred holidays. I would stay Catholic if I felt like I could...

...what I mean by that is that I am an atheist.

I know this is going to hurt you and make you feel like you have failed as a grandmother. Trust me, you have not. You taught me to be kind but stand up for myself at the same time. You taught me to be polite and helpful. Those are successes in my eyes. None of my decisions on faith had nothing to do with you. I am the one who lost my faith in any religion.