Hey I know, you're probably not listening to me and/or reading this, but I'm going to say it anyway to give myself peace of mind.

I just wanted you to know how much you have impacted my life. You have given me countless panic attacks and anxiety attacks, but you probably didn't know that. Even when you're not here you still hurt me in the worst ways, but that's just me being dramatic, right?

You are most of the mental scars. You are almost all of the therapy sessions. You are the tear-drenched pillows. You are my strained vocal cords. You are in every single anxiety attack, every bout of depression, every panic attack. I can count the number of things you have done for me on one hand, and one of them was that you gave me life.

I don't take life for granted. For a lot of my life, I have thought "I guess it isn't that bad. At least I have a dad."

But did I ever?

No. I had a man who simply just had relations with my mom, who is an actual parent to me. All I had was a guy that created me and my five other siblings. It does seem like a pretty big thing, but in my honest opinion, I don't like being known as the daughter of a guy who drank and is still drinking his life away. You are the reason I don't like my last name.

Though I have said many things, there are some that I can thank you for. Thank you for the armor that you helped me build. You have given me a heart of Novocain. My heart is now made of steel. I can take pain more easily because there is never going to be anything close to what hurt you have given me in the last eighteen years. Thank you for the pain. Thank you for the way that you left me scarred.

Just hope that your younger kids don't feel nearly as repulsed by you.

Sincerely, KGM