11:30PM

I've finally prayed hard enough

That my laptop worked for a consecutive 10 minutes

and the submissions are final.

The demons of boredom and mandatory lonliness: "You must dye your hair."

"Okay."

"NO?!"

"Yes."

"HELL NAW!!!"

"But. I'm so bored..."

Mission is a go.

11:45PM

A sign on the sliding doors indicating early closure.

Why, God?

I drove all the way across town

to drink a jumbo-sized cup

of bitter disappointment.

This seems to be a trend as of late.

9:45AM

Let's try this again.

The first thing I notice

are the thin coffee filters

covering the mouths of the shoppers.

"Doesn't that just trap germs IN?"

"Should I be wearing one??"

Having never been about haute couture,

I had no trouble believing

I was out of the loop.

9:55AM

The shelves of the hair dye aisle

are as barren as the shelves

of the toilet paper aisle.

I surmise that others in the area,

(specifically moody white women)

must be experiencing similar symptoms

in social isolation.

10AM

I make a detour at the skincare aisle.

Going outside is an option

most can no longer afford.

But "glow lotion" is $6 a bottle.

10:10AM

Arrived at self-checkout

because the last thing I need is a cashier

to have knowledge of my questionable cosmetic decisions.

OH. NO.

What is this?

A forbidden thing arises in me.

Is this...a sneeze.

Everyone around me holds their breath.

This is it.

This is how we ALL die.

I release my toxins into the crease of my elbow.

Even after these precautions,

the people flee.

This completes the tale

of my descent into the Mart of Wal

Be ye warned

Lest you should also

have an involuntary respiratory function

at an inopportune moment.