Poetry On Odyssey: To Speak, To Silence

In literature class, we had an assignment to recreate the famous "Hamlet" soliloquy, "To be or not to be." We were told to chose an alternate character from another book, movie or television show, and explain their internal struggle in the form of Hamlet's soliloquy. I chose Mallory Dodge from Jennifer L. Armentrout's young adult book, "The Problem With Forever."

To speak or not to speak — that is the question.

Whether it is smarter to speak and deal with the consequences

The judgement and emotions that my words may leave,

Or to keep my voice inside, a silence that can’t be broken,

To have a closed mouth, stop the “what if’s?” To not speak, to silence—

No more-- and to stay silent is to end

The risk of judgement and the risk of saying the wrong thing.

That everyone chances with on a daily basis — it’s a means to an end,

A death wish. To not speak, to silence—

To silence, maybe it’s a dream. Ah, that’s the trouble,

With that silence, will it only be a dream,

Running from interaction, and where verbal conversation is nonexistent,

Must give me relief. My respect for myself

Has me dealing with the words that make me scared.

Who else would be able to handle the backlash from other people,

The bullies, the one proud to be who they are,

The pain of Rider’s return, and what stops us from being together,

The restrictions of our parents, and the oppositions

That other people dare to speak,

When I hope I have the strength to settle my own disputes

With a quiet mouth? Who would want to deal,

To suffer and and struggle through detrimental words,

Except for those who are afraid of the consequences of speaking,

And the unknown repercussions of speaking

That I will not be able to escape, stops me

And makes me want to stick with the silence that I am so accustomed to

Instead of speaking and not knowing what to expect?

But this fear of noise makes me a coward,

And that small part of me ready to speak,

Is clouded by overthinking,

When I am needed to speak, it must be done there and then,

But as I make excuses to resist the noise

My voice isn’t needed anymore. — But shh,

It’s Rider, my childhood hero — I hope you know my struggles,

Listen to my problem and help me decide.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.