I am not an empty warehouse left

forgotten

and rotting

in a vacant lot on the outskirts of town, although some days

I do feel that I am.

There are people in this world who want nothing from me but my silence.

Swallowed secrets of the things that man did to me as a child.

The system is set in place that no matter what I say in court none of it will matter unless a slew of his other victims come out to play their broken violins in front of the jury.

It took me eleven of my twenty years to stand on my own feet,

to feel my own power whispering in my bones.

And his other victims deserve their grieving process too,

it is not my place to pull them out of the woodwork

and damage all of the progress they have made to just forget.

I carry feminist ideals in my head and pictures of what I will do to the next person who tries to touch me without permission. But I still scurry to my car

with keys shaking when men call out there windows at me to take off my top.

I still arm myself with mace and knives and everything legal but lethal to destroy the next person who tries to steal my power away from me.

I am not as steady as I may appear.

Some nights I feel so dirty I wash my face three times,

brush my teeth at least twice,

change my clothes over and over hoping that eventually

I will no longer remember the feel of his sweaty hands pressed into my skin.

I am a poster child for sexual violence. Let a parade of boys into my personal space because I was sure that was all I was worth. He made me believe that.

It's taken me eleven of 20 years to get here.

I am no longer a paper doll

or a car abandoned on a midnight highway.

I am more steel than I am frail.

My heart is made of iron and my chest a bed of nails.

I used to be soft.

I used to have a heart of melted gold and a voice as smooth as sleet.

But nothing has been stolen from me. I have lost nothing.

I have just morphed into what I was always meant to be.

Strong.

I am not a puppet for his sick games anymore.

I am something special

despite what the world tells me.

I am not a broken winged bird or

a glass slipper left on the stairs.

I am strong.

I am love.

I am fire.

I will destroy anyone who tries to hurt anyone that I love,

including myself.