Sitting alone in my apartment on New Year's Eve, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed while trying to decide if I actually wanted to do something or just wallow in my alone time and let my thoughts really just devour me whole. Then my eyes landed on a suggested post (you know how those pesky buggers just show up amid the stuff your friends post and share). It was for a music video by Joel Adams, for his breakout single "Please Don't Go."

Honestly, I didn't really read the post. I saw his eyes- which are vividly blue. Eyes are said to be the windows to the soul and they are the only thing that will never age. Ed Sheeran was quoted saying, "Granny Sheeran told me when I'm looking for a partner to fall in love with their eyes 'cause eyes are the only things that don't age, so if you fall in love with their eyes, you'll be in love forever."

So I thought I'd give the video a shot...because of this guy's very intense blue eyes.

And...I instantly fell in love with the song. Not because of the singer (or his eyes), or the beat, or the whimsical elements of the video. I fell in love with the song because it put into words what I've felt for a very long time. It spoke of something that I've struggled with every day since college started and gets worse as I get ever closer to graduation.

Let's break down some of the lyrics and I'll explain:

Nobody ever knows
Nobody ever sees
I left my soul
Back there now I'm too weak

Let's be real, you're not going to let people see how broken you are. Sometimes the happiest people are really the saddest. They can't bear to see someone sad so they do their best to spread their cheer and joy, sometimes forgetting to save some of that cheer and joy for themselves. Kind of like how they say "leave it all on the court" for basketball, we leave it all with the friend.

Most nights I pray for you to come home
Praying to the Lord
Praying for my soul

This spoke to me because I'm involved in my church, I pray. I pray for my friends. And sometimes I pray for healing too, because it hurts knowing that one day we'll all go our separate ways and we'll all have to start over again and find new friends while trying to reach for the old friends.

If you're alone, your thoughts will always turn to those you love, those you care about. Your thoughts will turn to the glory days. And these times are much harder on you if you haven't done a very good job of staying in touch for whatever reason, or if you seem to be a floater with many many friends that you're friends with but aren't quite in their "tight" group of friends.

Cause I don't ever want to know
Don't ever want to see things change
Cause when I'm living on my own
I'll wanna take it back and start again

I don't want to see things change. Between freshman and sophomore year of college I was very afraid of how things were changing. I wasn't afraid of the huge transition between high school and college. I suppose it was because I wasn't as close with the people I encountered in high school as I was with those I encountered in college. College is like a constant state of change, people are continually flowing in and out of your life when you just wish they could stay. And as each semester ends and I meet more and more awesome people (especially all the seniors, 5th year seniors, and recent graduates I've befriended) I keep wishing I could go back, start again, meet them earlier so I could be friends with them longer.

(Oh oh oh)
I send so many messages you don't reply!
(Oh oh oh)
I gotta figure out what am I missing babe!
Singing now (Oh oh oh)
And I need you now, I need your love!
(Oh oh oh)

If you're an over thinker like me, you wonder what everyone else is up to, if they really enjoy your company or not, if you're missing out on something. My college life is a mix of being super busy and not busy at all at the same time. Some days I interact and hang out with a lot of people. Other days I'm literally just sitting in my apartment wondering what everybody else is doing, yet too afraid to ask because I don't want to intrude. Sometimes there's times where I try to reach out, but no one is reaching back.

Now Please Don't Go
Most Nights I hardly sleep when I'm alone
Now Please Don't Go, oh no
I think of you whenever I'm alone
So Please Don't
Please Don't Go

Oh what you would give if you could keep time still and keep those you love close. But time moves on. People will move in and out of your life; there's an ebb and flow to their movements. It seems that sometimes the person you need to see the most will be there and sometimes the person you need the most isn't the person you expected you needed the most at that moment.

But, in the end, you don't want your friends to go completely. You wish you could stay in this moment with them, and that's why you cherish them so much more.

So, please don't go.