Welcome to Pizzaholics Anonymous. My name is Morgan, and I am a pizzaholic.
Here, you will find a fail-proof program that will help wean you off of the enslaving corporate monster that is Domino’s. Whether it be cheesy bread, lava cakes, cinna stix, chicken kickers, or a classic pepperoni pizza, we all have that usual order every Friday night at 2 a.m. Now it’s time to take that big step and cut off this dangerous habit. Follow this program and you’ll be sure to live a happy Domino’s-free late-night.
Step 1: Admit that you have a problem
First, you must be able to face this head-on. Let your concerned friends know that you realize you do in fact have a problem and you're ready to work on yourself.
Step 2: Delete the Domino’s app from your phone
You all have it. You all have your location and regular order preset so all it takes is one touch of a button and 30-45 minutes later pizza appears at your door. Bite the bullet, and delete it.
Step 3: Call your regular delivery guy and let him know it’s over
This may be the toughest and most emotional step. It’s important to explain to Jimmy that you are trying to better your life and will no longer be needing his services. You owe him that much.
Step 4: Block the Domino's number from your phone
Make sure you can't call Domino's, and Domino's can't call you. Cut off all communication at the source.
Step 5: Come up with a mantra
I don't need Domino's. Domino's doesn't control me. Salad is bae.
Step 6: Delete all pictures of you and pizza from Facebook
Reminiscing through pictures brings all the cravings back. It's best to hide all records of you ever holding a slice of Domino's pizza in your hand.
Step 7: Spend hours looking at pictures of #pizzaporn on Instagram
You're longing for the pizza. It's better to stare at pictures and fantasize about eating pizza then actually eating it. It may seem like you're torturing yourself, but really you're helping yourself.
Step 8: Watch your friends eat pizza
Watching is almost as good as eating. It may look delicious, but you know it's nothing special. You stay strong and repeat your mantra.
Step 9: Convince yourself that Domino's is really not even that good and New York pizza is so much better so really you should save yourself for when you're in New York.
Domino's crispy, greasy crust and yummy, gooey cheese isn't all that.
Step 10: Write a letter to Domino's to be burned and never sent
This is a cathartic way to express everything you are feeling. Really let it out.
Step 11: Count the number of days you've gone without Domino's and realize it's been a long time.
Almost too long ... maybe it's time to reward yourself.
Step 12: Cave and order Domino's
I'm back Jimmy!
