He picked her up at 3:30 p.m. They had plans she had no idea of; he was surprising her after a hectic week of classes, work and family obligations.
“Where are you even taking me?!” She looked up at him with the widest eyes, concern and a laugh in her voice.
“You can keep asking but you’ll just have to see,” he snapped with a smirk. She rolled her eyes, situated herself in the passengers seat and held on to his right arm so tightly.
He pulled through the trees and into a small parking lot. Families were throwing Frisbees, kids were on the swings and joggers disappeared on trails. All while he pulled a blanket and brown paper bag from the trunk. A picnic date. The only thing she asked for every summer. She loved the sun and eating outside, and sitting on the ground, instead of at a table, was something she thought humans were made to do.
He placed the blanket on the ground and she sat excitedly, making sure to put a sandal or her purse on a corner of the blanket to keep down. He pulled out two sandwich bags, a big bag of chips, a smaller Tupperware container and a bottle of wine. Bagels, chips and dip and cabernet- all she needed.
They chatted about their days; they were both so busy they hadn’t seen each other in over a week. Time didn’t matter to them, they were together now and nothing else seemed to exist. He asked her about her World Religions class- the one she found interesting but struggled to fully grasp. She didn’t know he’d interviewed all week for positions she’d never heard of. He told her now and she assured him he’d get exactly the one he wanted.
Two hours passed and the cabernet was nearly gone but they carried on. They got comfortable on the blanket and she rested her head on his chest, just as she did a million times before. And like a million times before, he wrapped his arm around her and tugged her closer.
They lied there under the sky, just staring up. The clouds moved slowly and the wind blew a calm breeze. Birds were chatting in the distance, but all was so calm. Hand in hand they lied there. Conversation dozed off as they both did under that sky.
He woke up in his room with the same regret and the same heartache from nights before. She wasn’t there, she never was. He lost her the moment that he couldn’t find himself and there was no going back. His words were said and she took them deep. She couldn’t ignore them because she knew he wasn’t right anymore. She saw him slipping and tried to pull him back. Sometimes you are your own worst enemy, and he fought for both sides. There was nothing left she could do except leave like he wanted.
His bedroom walls closed in and he just lay there in bed. He didn’t care about his responsibilities, he forgot to eat and shower and he forgot what day it was. But he did remember to drink- and he drank.
She wasn’t perfect. She could be rude, self-righteous, and absolutely ridiculous. She could say the worst things. She’d forget her words and smile just right. He didn’t care right now. He’d take her awful ways. He didn’t want her to be perfect; he liked her as she was. Her smile was just right and sometimes her harsh words made sense. He wanted to see those wide eyes looking up at him and he wanted her arm squeezing his. But that would never happen, so he drank. And he dreamed. And he’d wake up and drink more and fall asleep during a picnic date. The cycle only ended when they were hand in hand under the sky. He no longer fought both sides, he let the enemy win.
