When asked to name a conversation starter about myself in my first writing class, I said I had 15,000 photos on my phone from August will now.

That’s fifteen thousand. Three 0’s. Saying it like that is really bizarre. I see how that’s a crazy number. It’s not even counting the photos I take on special shoots with my DSLR. But most of my photos are of pretty simple times. Moments where the food in the dining hall looks especially colorful, the partygoers are a little too drunk and the lights are a little too perfect, the Lyft drives past a bird taking flight at just the right moment, my friends losing themselves in aching laughter.

I like to capture it all. I can piece together my life looking at the place and timestamps of a handful of pictures. I can recall hazy nights through hazy pictures.

There are lines though. I think being a photographer comes with the responsibility of defining truth and authenticity. How do you stage photos? Do you stage photos? Some of the most famous photos in history are steeped in controversy over whether or not they have been staged. “Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima” by Joe Rosenthal is one of the most famous photos in American History. But the moment was staged.

The actual event happened a couple days earlier and the photograph of it by marine Louis Lowery was less dramatic in composition.

Is there something immoral about manipulating the truth for the sake of beauty in art? This is the question that stops me in my tracks as I reach out to move the tongs on the salad bar ever so slightly to the left, or the wrinkly jacket off the arm of the couch. What does it mean to capture? In “capturing” does one have a responsibility to produce a natural replica of the environment? I guess this is where the idea of art in photography and documentary in photography clash.

For me, the 50/50 mix of the two is where my work lives. I like to keep it real as long as it is aesthetically pleasing. And if I need to shift something I do so as long as the purpose of the photo is not compromised.

So okay, that’s fine and all. But then I start to wonder if I’m the epitome of the screen-obsessed millennial. Which is a whole other issue. What’s wrong with me for reaching for my phone every time I see something slightly visually appealing?

The one philosophy that always plagues my mind is “Live in the Moment”. I feel guilty everytime I hold my phone up at a concert or record a funny moment with friends. I get it. It’s weird to have a screen literally between you and your life. But I also feel incomplete when I don’t take the picture. When the moment is right there but internally I want to try to embrace the whole “put the phone/camera” mentality. It usually doesn’t work out. I always end up feeling like I’ve just missed an opportunity.

And the thing is, I know a lot of other photographers share this feeling. Photographers of all levels, whether it’s the little kid with their 3rd generation iPod or the professional with thousands of dollars worth the equipment. There’s something about capturing, taking the photo.

And the word “capturing” does not help with the idea that what you’re doing is bad. The word has a negative connotation. The language surrounding photography has negative connotation. You take a photo. You shoot something. The vocabulary is a really small thing but it goes a long way in setting up your thought process. My photography professor last semester referred to it as “making” a photo instead of “taking” and it really changed my perspective. It’s made me see my art as something I create, instead of claim. For a while it was difficult for me to refer to photography as art. It felt as though it was something anyone could do. Something that didn’t require much thought.

And yeah, anyone can take a photo, and it doesn’t always require thought. But I guess that’s not photography then.

I guess what drew me in in the first place was experience wasn’t enough. I’m still trying to decide whether or not that’s a good thing. I don’t necessarily think that I don’t live in the moment when I’m taking a photo. For me it’s an enhanced version of the moment. I guess I just like being able to look back on it all. Life is such a crazy unbelievable thing sometimes that it’s nice to have proof that it’s even happening at all.

It’s this inherent need to live in moments forever. I want to live in it sure. But what about when I wanna live in it again next week or next summer or 50 years from now? Some things don’t feel right forgetting. And what better way to cherish them than to freeze them in a photo?

I think it depends on how one defines moment. For me, moments are those fleeting instances where nothing else exists but you and the photo. And then it’s a game of whether or not you are going to take the opportunity and take the photo. These moments are always special regardless of how often they occur. They used to occur less. But they occur more now as I’ve become a student and delved deeper into photography. It’s funny, you’d think they’d happen far and few in-between now but I think that’s the beauty of photography. You start to notice the little things. The things that make life so grand. Seeing a father gaze lovingly into his baby’s eyes, morning dew on yellow flower petals, family waving goodbye at the airport, young lovers on their way to class hand-in-hand. I could go on. For me, photography is what helped me realize the things I see and take for granted. And then it helps me remember them. You learn to appreciate life. I think I love photography because I love life.