25 Petty Clapbacks To Win Your Next Argument
Start writing a post
Humor

25 Satisfyingly Petty Clapbacks When Someone Is Testing Your Patience

Are you a math test? Because we're not adding up together, and it's testing my patience.

2866
25 Satisfyingly Petty Clapbacks When Someone Is Testing Your Patience

We all have that one person who tests our patience to the point that we can't help but be childish and petty — the person who never chews with their mouth shut and can be heard eating across the room, the person who couldn't say the word "intelligent" — let alone be intelligent — and the person who is just plain annoying.

Here are the 25 pettiest things to say when that person is testing your patience.

"Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither."

Some say that opinions are like farts. Just because you have one, that doesn't mean you need to let it out!

"Someday you’ll go far... and I really hope you stay there."

It sounds encouraging at first anyway.

"Sometimes, it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt."

In this case, the person will probably be too stupid to understand what you've just said.

"You only annoy me when you’re breathing."

... which is all the time.

"Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself."

It's a bad idea in your case.

"Please, save your breath. I don’t know whether to give you a mint or some toilet paper."

Perfect for the person with a potty mouth.

"Good story, but in what chapter does your character stop talking?"

Can we please just skip to that chapter?

"Sorry, I didn’t get that. I don’t speak stupid fluently."

If stupid isn't a language, you've turned it into one.

"If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet."

Probably happy enough to not be insulted by that statement.

"Are you always such an idiot, or do you only show off when I’m around?"

I'd love to believe that I'm that special, but I doubt it.

"There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that."

At least you're thanking them for something.

"I was hoping for a battle of wits, but it would be wrong to attack someone who’s completely unarmed."

Oops, I guess I already started attacking.

"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."

...far, far away from me!

"Everyone’s entitled to act stupid occasionally, but you abuse the privilege."

Don't try to abuse the privilege and act like you can't comprehend what I just said.

"The village called. They want their idiot back, so you'd better get going."

At least you're needed somewhere!

"Do everyone a favor and exercise your right to remain silent. Whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway."

No, you don't exercise it on a treadmill.

"I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see that you’ve already got one."

Are you really that ugly, or does your personality show through that much?

"You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle."

Go ahead. I'll give you time to think about that one.

"It’s amusing to watch you try to put your entire vocabulary into one sentence."

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and spit out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.

"Are you a math test? Because we’re not adding up together, and it’s testing my patience."

Maybe if you subtract yourself from the equation, I could figure things out.

"You always bring me so much joy... as soon as you leave the room."

It's a good thing to spread happiness and joy — hint, hint.

"Brains aren’t everything. In your case, they’re nothing."

Hopefully, you can remember that.

"The reason you’re lost in thought is that it's unfamiliar territory."

I'd be lost too if I had your brain.

"At least your ego is higher than your IQ."

If you really spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.

"Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people."

Don't like my sarcasm? I don't like your stupidity.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

88096
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

54655
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments