I've come out through a couple different articles, the most recent being "How I Came Out... Again." Recently, someone called me a derogatory term, and while it was someone I had never spoken to before, it still wasn't that fun. I have some cool pins on my backpack, which is where my story begins.
As you can tell, I have a rainbow triangle and a pin that says, "I don't mind straight people as long as they act gay in public." At the time, I didn't have the purple pin, so I only had the rainbow triangle. I was walking to class and someone behind me said, "Nice pin, faggot." I turned to see a taller white guy with a "Make America Great Again Hat" (this isn't about the hat, but damn was I mad). The first thing I thought was to hit him. I wanted to turn around and punch him in the jaw. But I didn't. I just smiled and said, "Thanks!" I kept walking, trying to ignore the fact that on campus at Salem State University, otherwise known as "Seldom Straight Salem State" someone had called me a "faggot."
For the "it's just a word" crowd, that's not your decision. This word is specifically used to hurt people. This word is saying that you don't care how I feel. You don't care about my identity and what that means to me. You do not give a single fuck, so you use the word "fag." It is a term used to harm the LGBTQ+ community and I will not stand by while you decide for me how I should feel about a derogatory term meant to hurt me.
I've heard the word from many people before. Family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers on the street. When it comes from people I don't know well it rolls right off my back, but hearing it from people I know can really cause an internal battle. So, if you are someone who uses the word "fag" in any way, as a way to label LGBT+ folks or as a joke or anything in between, here's what LGBT+ folks hear, no matter if you mean it to be taken negatively or not.
When you use the word "fag" I immediately feel uncomfortable. I know I can no longer trust you. If I hadn't come out to you yet, I will not do so willingly. If I have come out to you, I will immediately feel betrayed. If you throw the word "fag" around like it means nothing, like it isn't a word that's meant to hurt me, you are no longer a safe person. You are no longer a safe place. You are no longer a person I can come to with any problems. I will see you differently. I will see you as someone who is trying to hurt me. Even if you are not trying to hurt me, you are hurting me.
By using the word "fag" you have just put me in a situation I do not want to be in. What do I do next? Do I ignore you and let you make someone else uncomfortable tomorrow? Do I call you out? Do I tell you it makes me uncomfortable? You have just told me by using that word that you don't care about me, you don't care about how I feel, and you don't care about my identity. So how can I know if you will take me seriously? How can I tell if you'll stop? How can I know that you won't just keep using it to spite me?
You, yes, I am speaking directly to you, a person who uses the word "fag." You are not a safe person to speak to. You are not a safe person to be around. You make me nervous. You make me uncomfortable. You are part of the problem. I cannot trust you. I will never trust you. I will remember this, even if you used it once in front of me. I will see you different. I will forever see you as the person who used the term "fag." I do not forget, though I may forgive. I will never forget, and I will never be able to trust you the same way again.
