I’m sorry that you thought I would wait for you, because whenever you finally texted back I replied right away, or whenever you asked to hang out, I was available. But I stopped being available, and I was distracted with other things and other people to notice you finally texted back. I’m not sorry that I stopped waiting. When we met, I was head over heels, and not because I liked who you were as a person, but because you were new, and exciting, and cute- I needed that. I needed someone who didn’t know about my history with boys, or about my family problems, because I wanted a fresh start. When we met I had attachment issues, that I didn’t know about, but they existed and they festered, so when you came along, I couldn’t let go. You weren’t available, though, and not because you felt things for someone else, but because you didn’t want to be available- and I accepted that.

So I second guessed my feelings for you, and started to see and talk to other people, because I convinced myself you had made up your mind, and I was done wasting my time. That wasn’t your mindset, though, because you wanted me, but you also wanted me to fight for you and run after you, so that I could feed your ego, but you didn’t count on my issues. You didn’t realize early on, that I let people leave and I watch people go, because I have no more fight in me, and that I don’t chase people. I drifted and you drifted, because neither of us were on the same page about what “us” was, because when you said to me “I don’t want a relationship,” I took that literally, but you meant “Let’s play mind games.” You didn’t count on that.

I’m sorry that your plan was foiled because I wouldn’t play along with your games. Now, you stick with the “I don’t want a relationship” line, but every now and then you’ll drop hints about wanting more, and you’ll expect me to tell you how bad I want you- but I don’t want you. I don’t want someone so distant or removed, I don’t want a relationship, period. You seem to forget that I told you what I wanted, and it wasn’t a relationship. I’m sorry that you wanted to play someone who isn’t even interested in the game, and I’m sorry that you didn’t win. But I will not wait for the person who has only been in my life for a few months, yet has caused me more inconvenience than anyone I’ve known for eight years. I won’t wait for someone to make a decision about how involved they want to be in my life, because that will just cause me more pain than you leaving.

To the person I refuse to wait for, you made me happy for a long time, but that time was a lie. You had no intention of loving me or caring for me when you told your friends that we “talked,” and when you asked to spend time with me. You have had no intention of being a major part of my life since November when we first met, and that would’ve been okay if you had told me, but you didn’t tell me. To the person I won’t wait for, you are someone I can easily live without, and I don’t fear of losing you, because you were never mine. Just leave me alone if your only intentions were to hurt me, because you can’t hurt someone who sees right through your game. I’ve never been one to attach myself to someone who doesn’t want me; I have always drifted in those instances because I know there’s no convincing you, and I know I shouldn’t have to convince someone to care about me. I am better than that.

To the person who I won’t wait for- I’m sorry I didn’t meet your expectations.