I’ve always hated goodbyes. Whether those goodbyes meant saying ‘bye’ till tomorrow OR officially saying ‘bye’ to someone who is about to walk out of your life, I hated them. All of them.
However, the only goodbyes I ever enjoyed were the ones that made saying goodbye extremely difficult. The goodbyes that allowed you to feel content, even after going through something hurtful. The goodbyes that made saying ‘hello’ so treasurable.
Before beginning my freshman year of college, I had plenty of goodbyes that I was not prepared for. Above all, was my family. Although this wasn’t considered a “permanent” type of goodbye, dancing was. I was a competitive dancer for over ten years at Freehold Academy of Performing Arts (FAPA). At FAPA, I not only became accustomed to dancing but also having a second family I could always count on. When going off to college, I had to let go of that ‘family’ that I grew accustomed to having at the end of everyday. There were no longer five hour rehearsals or five day long nationals to spend with them. Although this was definitely one of the hardest goodbyes, it easily became one of the best memories of my life.
Throughout my first year of college, I faced many goodbyes I wasn’t prepared for. The one that definitely hit home for me was the hug and kiss goodbye I gave my parents as they dropped me off at school before heading back to New Jersey. I remember the loneliness and empty feeling that came upon me, questioning how I was supposed to survive an entire semester without them, when I had barely spent a week away from them. However, this goodbye became easier as the months and visits continued.
The other goodbyes I faced this past year were more of the unexpected, permanent goodbyes. The goodbyes that I did not know would be the real, "done deal" goodbyes. Although I still suffer from the hurt and disappointment of them, I know that everything does happen for a reason, even if we aren’t quite sure of those reasons yet.
Thankfully, I had the pleasure of having my college friends visit me over the course of the past three weeks. Not only have these visits rekindled my seven friendships with each of them but they've also reminded me of how blessed I truly am. I know that wherever life may take me, whether it may be Florida or New Jersey, they will continue to love and support me. They are the reason those unexpected, permanent goodbyes don’t feel as bad as they should. So thank you to Kasey, Little, Zachary, Big, Maricruz, Melissa, and Viviana for teaching me how to accept and appreciate these goodbyes.
Overall, being an out of state student at college has made me accustomed to the feeling of packing up and leaving whenever needed. I guess the whole ‘goodbye’ thing is a lot easier said than done, but I have had plenty of practice. I can proudly say I am working on accepting these goodbyes and learning that they hold meaning. But most importantly, they hold purpose.
