I hate to say it, but if you ever talk to someone about what you’re watching on Netflix, you giving them enough details about your life so that they could hardcore judge you. As soon as you say something, any TV show or movie hat you just watched, the person you’re talking to has made assumptions about you that, honestly, are probably completely accurate. So refer to this list when you’re watching a particular show and find out what phase of your life you’re going through and broadcasting with your “Continue Watching” list.
1. Louie
You’re only now discovering the true genius that is Louie C.K. and are talking to your friends about it all the time even though they saw all of the episodes what feels like years ago. People are looking at you like a puppy who just discovered his tail for the first time and is chasing it day and night instead of doing homework like you should be.
2. Friends
Be careful when you tell people you’re binge watching this show right now because they’re going to think you’re insane. “There’s no way you're actually watching all of those episodes again… I’ve seen them all on TBS already, I don’t understand how you can waste your time watching this when you can watch literally anything else.” Keep this to yourself for a while.
3. Family Guy
See “Friends.”
4. The X-Files
You’re way too into conspiracy theories and if you’re in the middle of watching this you’re connecting the dots in every situation a little too well. No, David Foster Wallace did not pay Ghandi to drive him to Walmart to buy a pineapple that had the secret launch codes to a nuclear missile in them that could have started the next Cold War. I promise they didn’t even meet. Just stick to alien abduction theories like Mulder and leave the government conspiracies to the big boys.
5. American Horror Story
“Oh… You’re one of THOSE people, huh? I guess I’m just going to back away slowly and you can go on being a crazy person who loves to torture yourself mentally.”
6. Parks and Recreation
You’re a pretty chipper person and are slowly becoming nostalgic and will eventually be moping around your room for the next week. People are looking at you like a ticking time bomb, because they know that while you’re having a good time now, you’re eventually going to be beyond yourself in sadness that the show you have fallen in love with is about to be over for you. I know of very few people that have watched the live showing of the finale, but the people with online cable have already demonstrated this moping about. In about a month everyone with Netflix will be there with them and the world will probably shut down.
7. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
You are the kind of person who loves to make jokes about the most awful things in the world in order to make it seem bearable. You can’t stand the uncomfortable silence when someone announces bad news that just happened and would rather share in laughter than tears. You are noble but not always appreciated.
8. Sense 8
People are going to think you’re a frontiersman if you say you’re watching this one. People aren’t completely sold on the latest Netflix produced show and are waiting for a glowing review to jump on-board the viewer’s wagon.
9. House of Cards
“You’re a little late to the party on this one, but congrats on making it here. We thought you had a flat tire or something and didn’t have AAA. Which season are you on? I can talk to you about this show for hours regardless of the episode you’re on.”
10. Orange is the New Black
People will approach you very similar to the way they approach “House of Cards” viewers, but only with a little less fanaticism. Yes, there are fanatics that will geek out about this show with you, but luckily if you’re watching this you won’t get the bloodthirsty-bonding-hand-holding that accompanies “House of Cards” fanatics.
11. Comedy Bang Bang
The only reason you’re watching this is because you are one of the coolest people on the planet. Shout out to a Mr. Paul Kendall for introducing me to this remarkable show which I have been showing everyone who walks into my house. It’s definitely the most outrageous and hilarious show on Netflix. If you are currently watching this, you are a person who truly appreciates comedy and fun and happiness. Congrats, you made the right choice.
While there are a bunch of shows out there that you could be watching on Netflix, I can’t cover all of my bases. But, odds are, you’re in the middle of at least one of these shows, so be prepared for varied looks depending on what that show is. Good luck and have fun bonding over our outrageously excessive but completely appropriate consumerism.
