Scrolling through your news feed is probably something most if not all people tend to do nowadays. It's convenient to see all my family and friends. Keeping up to date with their events and pictures, kind of like I’m right there with them through these experiences. If you keep scrolling you’ll eventually come to the “people you may know” section which could be helpful with reconnecting with friends you haven’t seen or talked to since your high school glory days. I’ve actually been able to reconnect a friendship I started in middle school and have even got the opportunity to meet up with them to continue friendships that will last forever.
Another thing that I feel could last forever are impressions good or bad. Now picture yourself scrolling, you’ve just got home from work and you're having your “you” time before you have to start working on dinner and folding laundry when you come across him.. But it can't be? There’s no way that’s him, but no matter how much you tell yourself it's not, it is, and suddenly you’ve come computer face to face with your rapist. He’s listed in people you may know and no matter how much you wish you didn’t know him, you do. Your curiosity spikes. How can someone like that be able to have a FaceBook?
Click.
You are now on his page and you see he’s married. Like how is that even legal? Poor woman probably has no idea. How would she feel knowing she’s laying her head and trusting her heart with someone who once defiled a young girl probably about the same age as your kids. How would he react if his child came home in tears broken and lost the way you left me. Violated the way you violated me. I should just exit out, continue on with my life. It has been years and I’m over it or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Just exit out, come on girl, do it already! Nothing on this page is going to help you feel better but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. Why is this so difficult, I shouldn’t be crying, I’m stronger than this, why won't the knot in my chest go away? I just want to rip it out, but there is no surgery for this pain, no medication to ease this hurt. Talking doesn’t help me now, alcohol is not helping, drugs don’t do anything, cutting is not worth it because I’ve survived the worst pain I thought I could feel defilement. I mean you might as well drag me nude to be stoned for the world to see and write on my grave, “here lies the girl with no self-worth.” I know I had it at some point, it's barely a memory, but I hold on to it like my life depends on it because to me it is. What am I without my worth? I'll be too messed up for anyone to love me and even if someone with super human strength decides to take on the task my emotions will find a way to destroy it; I know because it's happened before. But you don’t care, you’re smiling in your pictures.
How can you live with yourself, how do you wake up in the morning and go about your day like nothing happened? They say silence is deadly. Why has society formed this fear of rape? Why is it something that isn't socially acceptable to talk about? That if something happens like that to a girl or guy it's suddenly there fault. Dressing provocatively means your “asking for it." Why is it suddenly our fault? My choices of clothing have nothing to do with your choices in life. Most victims including myself were dressing in modest clothing, so am I asking for it because I hid my “goods” from you? Maybe if we talked about it more in our community women and even men that are victims of sexual assault wouldn’t feel so objectified and find it more comfortable to talk about what happened. If you knew there was a way of preventing things like this from happening in your community wouldn’t you want to do what it took to prevent sexual abuse and assaults not promote it?
By banding together as a community and fighting back against predators we become stronger and the stronger, we become the less likely we are to fall. Rapists would know that we are NOT okay with these actions and lose interest in the joy of objectifying their victims because then they would be the ones called out, looked at differently and judged, not us. So band together as a community and let's try and put a stop to this once and for all.
