To The People Who Feel Like They Are Never The First Choice To Anyone
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To The People Who Feel Like They  Are Never The First Choice To Anyone

The other choice: having everyone but no one at the same time.

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unsplash/ Mor Shani

I know there must be someone out there who is reading this right now. I know you might either relate to what I'm about to talk about completely or you might think "this doesn't really apply to me." Maybe I even sound like someone with their typical first world problems.

Whoever you are, I hope you can leave with at least one important message later on.

Now, for the people who don't how any of this feels or what never being the first choice to anyone is like, it goes a little something like this:

If you were to organize an event consistently for your friends, your friends would come to that event and one (or even a few) would go to other people and talk to them even though you were the one who planned the whole thing. A lot of times, it starts out small with your friends wanting to hang out all together and you realize no one is talking to you, but then gets bigger where you feel as if you're doing everything for everyone and you almost feel like baggage to people around you.

Some people have it worse and some have it better, but most people in this situation can never seem to get themselves out of it.

The worst feeling is to talk about it because of how small it seems. It seems as if I'm not happy with any of the friends in my life, but it all comes down to my own self-worth. This is the first time I'm coming to terms with it because when I've told people in the past, they either laughed or didn't take it seriously. I mean, it almost sounds like I'm saying that I'm never anyone's "favorite," but that just isn't it. For anyone who knows this feeling, you know that it's a mix of toxic energy, loneliness and feeling like you're not worth it- as if the effort we put in for other people isn't reciprocated or it's not given back to us.

But what you really should know is that there are thousands of people who feel the same way.

I've gone through my whole life never really being anyone's "priority" (except for my family, of course) and I'll say that it does hurt to say. It feels like I'm asking for validation, but what I really want is someone who enjoys their time with me as much as I do with them. Sometimes, I don't mind being anything but the first choice because after so many years, I got used to it and that's what I despise the most.

I can't stand the fact that I've never really felt a true connection with someone that wasn't temporary. I don't want to be temporary.

But why should I portray myself that way? And why should you? All of us are important and I know that it feels bad not being pushed up to the top like people are for you. I know that it's always confusing to wonder why you talk to the same people and even meet new people but come back to the person or a group who doesn't even know that you feel this way. It feels bad being surrounded by so many people all the time but only having a few or even no quality people.

But no one gets to determine how valued you are.

At the end of the day, there will always be people who think this problem doesn't need to be spoken about because of how selfish or "small" it sounds, but there are too many people who feel this way to let it go. There are too many people hurting their identities and roles because they just want to fit in.

Don't let a couple of people make you feel like you are "nothing" or make you feel like you did something wrong. But most importantly, if you consistently feel like you're another option, then maybe it's time for YOU to find other options, or maybe it means you just need to mend some things with certain people.

Either way, never let anyone tell you this isn't a big deal because no one gets to decide how you feel just like no one gets to decide your worth, but you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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