“I can’t tell you the key to success, but I can tell you the key to failure is trying to please everyone”- Ed Sheeran. We all know this to be true, yet I and so many others are still so guilty of trying to. It’s easy to be happy when you’re making those around you happy, but what happens when everyone isn’t happy? For the people pleaser, you’re miserable and stuck not even knowing what it is you want, especially if there is no option that keeps everyone living in perfect harmony. But it’s easy for everyone to talk about why people-pleasing is so bad without ever stopping to think or say, I understand you. So to you people-pleaser, just know that I totally do, here’s a few reason you do the things you do….
You love them. You believe they’d do anything for you, so you want to do that too. You don’t want to disappoint anyone. You are truly happy seeing everyone else happy.
I get it because I’m right there with you. We want to please those we love- family, friends, boyfriends/girlfriends- because there is so much reward in knowing that the people you love are proud of you, are happy with you, are happy because of you, and because we do really believe “they would do the same things for me.” But please understand, no matter what you do, that will not always be true. There will be times that those people are not happy with you, are not the most proud of you, and they may even be flat out mad at you. You will always love them, and they will always love you, but you will not always agree, or be able to keep everyone happy.
I understand all the reasons you do the things you do because like I’ve said so many times I am you. But recently I have encountered the dooms of people pleasing. Happiness is temporary. Some relationships are temporary too. And when you cross the line of sacrificing too much of your life trying to fulfill other’s, no one can win.
It becomes a matter of who are you listening to, who are you turning to, who are you talking to, who are you living for? Maybe it is the people that love you, and while there’s definitely a time for that, that time is not all the time. Those people do not have the answers. They, and their relationship and presence, are there for you, and they are there to help you, but they are not your source, nor what you were made to do.
Because what happens the second you’re people pleasing self fails- you think you’re not enough, you don’t know who to talk to, you don’t know what to do, you crave comfort and love. So here is my prayer for you:
You gave me this life, and you created me to live it for you.
You’ve told me who I am, and whose I am, and that no matter what I do, that will always hold true.
You’ve given me a love like no other, and desire and require a place in my life that no earthly relationship could ever amount to.
You’re the one I need to listen to. You’re the one I need to turn to. You’re the one I need to talk to. I’m the one you need to live through.
I don’t want other’s to love me because of all I do, I want them to love me because of you. Because you love me and I love you, and that needs to be reflected in all I do.
Help me no longer want to please anyone but you.